Fire Phoenix

Different this time

2012-02-18T22:13:00.000+08:00

It took me more energy than ever to delete this blog of mine. Just that i found it harder to write now. Time factor. So one day if i stop writing, don't worry, it is just me moving on in my own way. No matter how, part of me changed.

Rejoice :)

2012-01-21T11:19:00.000+08:00

Lately wasn't smooth sailing for me . I faced some really sucking situation that left me clueless and helpless. =.= Yeah, i seem like appearing here only when something doesn't went on well.. haha! anyways, i will not ruin this festive seasons with all my petty problems. Mum taught me " REJOICE, GIRL, REJOICE ~ " :) i shall make use of this one week holidays to get back myself.

so, pictures time. you wouldn't want me to go on and on , i am sure... :p

Dad's version : traditional pan mee <3

When was the last time we sat down together for dinner? God remembers.

The one who constantly train me to become a very lady-like lady but ....

MY MALE FRIENDS never really treat me as a girl =.=

Please tell her that i hate her, cause she is darn thin! hahahahahahaha :p

I will never change my lame-ness. NEVER! just yet!

Christmas !!!!!!!!! It's been long since i celebrate Christmas in Malaysia.

My girlssss :)

And endless lesbo acts ...........* troll face*

heheheheheh........why am i such a poser? god knows~

Mis-chie-vous-ness never dies.

bottom angle.

top angle.

#foreveralone corner.

" are you Korean? "

hoo-haa !

My liver hurts a lot lately....peer presure ...tsk tsk tsk....

:( :( :( :( :(

T.T T.T T.T

you can tell through me emoticons .

trust me. i am a girl. cause i like seeing fireworks... convincing enough?

off our formal wears.....

just a random day with random after-uni-activity.

I LOVE SEGI ?

well, with complications now, i ...............nevermind.

I miss those time when we slipped out of the hotel to nearby hawker stall to eat tang yuan admist the freezing cold night.

Ladies night out.

PEER PRESUREEEEE............ Shop and broke.

RIBBONss.......:)

untitled

2012-01-06T23:02:00.001+08:00

i don't know what keeps me still writing.

anyway, today, i just want to tell you all that...............

Don't easily get too close with people because there will be a time when both of you are like strangers. i'd learnt it well, THANK YOU.

P/s

2011-12-10T21:50:00.000+08:00

To whom it may concern,

It's been a while since I update you people with the happenings around me. So yeah, I'd just finished my block exam. The course I am pursuing now is stressful enough and the only time I've left to GET A LIFE is when people sleeps. Many of you might be doubting this. :) I did late night movie marathon to catch up with latest movie in the town , I went KTV until dawn, I cooked in the middle of the night, and of course lots of camwhore sessions, gossip sessions , yam cha sessions and group study sessions during midnight. I was exhausted. :) but satisfying ~

The thing here is that, when you are meeting new people-------and get so close to them. They started digging your past. And when the same old boring cliche story has been forced to tell over and over and over again, it'll be like rummaging through the layers you've been buried for so long. And then you felt inferior again.

God has been fair lately. It's warm having nice people by my side. Despite the teasing and bullying , i know they are not that bad after all. It's like, i will be having "bodyguards" most of the time, and just so you know i am a very INSECURE person despite the very boyish personality. For those who care, NO, I DON'T HAVE BEES AROUND ME ( pathetic i know). Those people are just being nice and caring. Really, god has been fair lately.:)

Ever since dad went through the operation, the whole dynamic of the family changed. He is not able not lift heavy stuff. It may seems " just a sentence" but if you THINK HARD, it matters. It got worst when mum's tendon tore. ha! My two lovely old parents have been working so hard to provide such a life for us that they almost burn themselves. I felt very like a grown up lately.

I have a car now owned under my name. It was just three weeks old and my brother went and banged it on people's car. It was a shitty experience and now that my brother felt so apologetic for causing me all those trouble during my exam week.Well. let's not talk about this, i will share when i am ready. :(

so that's about it. :)

we are all the same

2011-11-25T22:29:00.001+08:00

I got to say this.

We are all so afraid of pain that we keep running away. no?

We are all brittle .

We are all having this deep scar which we hid it away from the crowd.

but

We are all striving to be loved, striving to be accepted, striving to be recognised.

We are all feeling glad that someone will always be there when we need them.

and

you , me, him, her, them, us......

will never feel overwhelm than this when

there are people who almost drive themselves crazy worrying about you.

people, WE ARE ALL THE SAME. :)

Still ABBIE

2011-11-11T02:20:00.001+08:00

Julia Robert

eat, pray , love

Abbie Lo

NO eat, No pray, A little healthy love.

I am just busier than you seem but, more enjoying than you never thought.

WHAT'S UP?

2011-10-28T11:24:00.000+08:00

Pictures have been piling up since don't know when and i am going to turn over those annoying and sickening emo posts for the past few weeks. Another thing is that my canon 550 D keeps capturing "WHAO!" pictures that i can't help sharing here. Call me jagun if you want now..haha!

For those who'd seen my grandma, she'd grown older a lot right?

:) her facial expression as she was complaining like a child.

Young boy engrossed with j-co doughnut

Seriously, i need a plastic surgery. Everyone says i look like her.

Zidat is sleeping soundly after all day long. :)

And of course, the mischievous me :p

rodent in cage.

" Please let me out" * rat's eyes*

HAHAHAHAHA....TOM AND JERRY IN ACTION!!!

hmmm~ heaven !

Just if you wonder, we use natural colouring for our food.

Eww! SALTY EGG YOLK= FAT!

i know it's so wrong to show mooncake during this festival of lights.

Fake egg yolk aka Jelly egg yolk.

FATTENING!!!!

i like the colour, , texture and appearance..........

just i don't like ping pei mooncake.

See no evil and Speak no evil. Just love these quotes.<3

picture entitled : Rebelious.

You have to feel it to get what i meant.

I promised myself to put on this smile as often as possible. Holidays just make me bring myself back.

Amy is that annoying that she make me promote her DIY ring even when i am practicing the piano. :p

Levitation of the day.

I chose old Honda city over Myvi. You will know soon.

Personally, i like this....the uglier the thing is, the more value it contains. Just like the dirty, old wall.

^.^

Growing up or grown up?

2011-10-26T02:01:00.001+08:00

This period of time is all about breaking through many fears in me. Rebelious , is what people protrayed when they are fighting for certain emotions. I had been one lately.

And perhaps, this is the 1st and last time. Because I don't like this unsecure feelings.I felt sinful today and it's a confession.

nothing but silence

2011-10-11T21:11:00.000+08:00

i am torn apart by many forces.
Emotions keep stirring.
rocking on but slowing down.
full numbness .
Shakespeare was right,
It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

what is next?

2011-10-05T21:45:00.000+08:00

i felt great today. but............. what will happen next?god knows.

See, i am still alive . my friend. :)

is this what i got?

2011-09-30T00:32:00.001+08:00

You know something really funny about my life? I have lot's of positive people around me, keep telling me to be contented, live the moment. i was about to step out the first step, telling shean that i am happy now , if you check my fb wall post. The next moment, just a few seconds after that, my dad collapsed, and he is in hospital right now under oxygen gas.I might not be a qualified dr yet but i know, the symptoms. Common misconception of the society is that labour pain is the most excruciating pain but in fact, heart attack is way more painful than that. My heart sank when he barely uttered :" send me to the hospital."

I don't know. i just want a simple and happy life. Please god, stop those dramas in my life. i give up, i don't want to be tough,i don't need recognition from people, i don't want to act as if i am capable to take charge of everything myself, i don't want to shine among the crowds, i don't want a life people envy of, i don't need those, take all back and give me back my healthy , tough , gentle dad, Please.........

just tell me, he will be alright?

may good things keep pouring

2011-09-21T21:20:00.000+08:00

hello people, i am not suppose to be here as i have lots more to do for tomorrow's JIGSAW session. Never mind if you don't un. But yeah, i need to get out from that cocoon before i get mad any soon. haha! So my college life is GREAT!!!!

well, from the first day until now i have peeps keep telling me that i looked like so and so. yeah, my this common face in dire need to be fixed at Korea ..=.= And guess what, i have the same encounter as my past years! PEOPLE DON'T TALK TO ME UNTIL I TALK TO THEM ....T.T......well, this time, they told me i looked super unapproachable and cool-blooded...never mind , it's okay, one day if i disappear for long, then it's me "visiting" KOREA.

yeah, it was totally a 360 degree change in mood from the previous weeks if you'd met me up that time. Perhaps some of you reading this don't think it's any big deal, but now i found someone who really understands how furious and disappointed i was.I don't want to admit that there are lots of decisions i'd made which place me in the state of regrets, because there isn't any word as "regret" in my dictionary. I am still learning, to let go those hatred built in me before i completely turn into a devil . I am very much enjoying being myself but there are still evil and negative thoughts hunting me at times. i don't know when will i finally get back to the pure innocent me, perhaps , that day never comes. I am still desperate for positive energies to get myself fully contaminated. :)

But blessing in disguise, now i am starting to see how the story went. I got so much closer with people each time worst thing happens to me. You know something very funny about me, last time, my phone used to save messages he sent. And now, i notice something more valuable than those nasty boy girl relationships. NOW, I'd have those priceless messages saved. :)

And yeah, i decided to work at the clinic during weekends while studying, well, at least until the day i can't stand and collapse. That's the abbie you know. i guess i want to torture myself to the max so that i know how far can i go. i know many people, guys especially will never agree with me, but it's okay. I don't need to act like i needed protection just because i am desperate for one. That's what i realized recently.

well, i will still find time to cover songs. sorry girls, i promise i will find time. haha. remember, i don't want to be a dentist who knows nothing but the stinky mouth!!and i met doctors who sing well wei!!!!!

and yeah, stay tune for my moon cake post. adios!!!

music of this period is : kelly clarkson- mr know it all.

check out her latest album "stronger " releasing soon.

damn awesome.

the taste of love

2011-09-08T19:42:00.000+08:00

So yeah, pretty much about friends , family , dreams and interests lately.

Well, it is a sad sad season for few of my friends who got into some love nuisances . What else, i love you, you don't love me, you love her, she loves him, he loves me, i love.....WHAT-EVER! Me myself got jumbled up.I was shocked by the story told by her. I was wondering, if a strong and static relationship of 6 years doesn't last, what is eternal? People change very fast aren't they? Especially when it takes only 7 seconds to make a good impression according to researchers from Yale University. So my hypothesis is that 10 seconds to fall in love. WHAO!
okay, i close this topic now to avoid further controversies. Anyway, i hope you girlsssssss are doing good. :)

lesson:

Don't you let those other boys fool you - put your records on, Corinne Bailey Rae

Next, my two beloved old folks just came back form Spain with one of them as broke as a church mouse now. Dad 's wallet got stolen. He is suffering from serious loss now. so........

~~ukelele~~

~~new guitar~~

~~handbag from Barcelona~~

~~sponsor me , i want to travel~~

BOOM!!!!!!!!

But however, they weren't so depress as i thought they would be.They got the cheek to tell me on and on about this CHINA-BORN-AUSTRALIA & SINGAPORE-BRED guy they met during the trip. Basically their 'little backpack friend'. ALL in all, they are trying to make sense to me that we will make up a cute partners if we met each other which doesn't make sense to me.

lesson :

it's not about the money, money, money - JESSIE j, price tag

And yeah, i received calls and messages from my former boss concerning about my condition. Such a darling of her. I mean, i don't know what is in me that make it worthwhile to treat me so well. OR she's just being so to everyone? I guess so. And guess what, she is literally trying to introduce that guy named Alan to me!!!! what!!!!!!??? OH GUAN YIN NIANG NIANG !!!!!!

AB : YERRRRR, IIII-----DDDOOOONNNTTT WANT!!!!!!!!
She: * burst into hysterical laughter*

lesson :

I found out that by making people FEEL GOOD actually made yourself FEEL GOOD too. So you can find me when you don't FEEL GOOD. Coz i was enjoying my INSTANT FEEL-GOOD REMEDY lately. haha. Sometimes, a relationship, regardless what form ; is not about keeping in touch 24/7. It's about trust. It's like a breakthrough to me to comprehend this because i had always been labelled 'IGNORANT and M I A'. If you are up for a person who can check you out every single moment then i am seriously a bad choice.

Last, i messed up in my kitchen a lot lately. And i will be mooncake-ed soon. Before that, here are some pictures i found to be shared.

Long before this, there was this wise man claimed : I tell you, whoever trying to do business with your family will bankrupt wyeh! You bake your own bread, you bake your own cake, you make your own mooncake, you wrap your own dumpling, now even char sew??? * bow*

People, let me introduce you, BIBIMBAP. A signature Korean dish.

Are you shock? yes, i am! owh, HOW POSSIBLE THE SELF-CLAIMED SUPER MUCH EXPERIENCE PRO BAKER WILL CREATE SUCH NASTY BATTER? yeah, i failed! T.T you know the last time i failed until this extend was like N years ago? And after that i was very proud of myself, boasting to my mum how brilliant is her daughter......not....until.......this.....
W-H-Y!!!!!????????

you know what? Tonight i am going to mess with my kitchen again.

owh ...cheesy unbaked bread! Guess what peeps. I think the warmest feel on earth is to eat something warm ready straight right from the oven. It feels very much like grandma patting your hair .<3

Well this this this, all these give the feel much more like getting some unexpected kisses from a bunch of adorable cupids.....aww~<3<3<3

While this, it's like W-H-AO!!!! Because i didn't expect this neither. i bet you people didn't expect who sent

me these lovely cheesecakes. Anyway, i don't remember tasting it because my siblings had it done. =.= Heels-lover who doesn't wear heels and cheesecake-baker who doesn't eat cheesecake. Title fits me well.

OFF I GO! ADIÓS

P/S a correction from previous post.

Eczema and dermatitis are the same thing.=.=

don't worry, i have plenty of chance to play with these terms.

DON'T GET ME STARTED! :)

smile finally... :)

2011-09-02T21:37:00.004+08:00

dear people,

i went to see the specialist today. I shouldn't be happy but i am. I successfully proved to everyone that i am not complaining for nothing. I sensed something was wrong. i told you, but no one seemed taken it seriously. haha. I checked out online ( ow! wonders of Google you should trust me) , i did a summary for myself : eczema or dermatitis. Guess what! haha!!! i think i am freakin' brilliant. woohoo, so the answer is DERMATITIS. To be specific , contact dermatitis. No cure. just like why some people are born with diabetes, heart attack or Trisomy 21. i am considered lucky because i am off from any of these nasty monster diseases. haha. Now that i pray for my children to be healthy and bubbly.

It do disturb me for long. When i was having my grade 8 ABRSM exam, when i was having 1st and last chance at the international piano competition, when i was trying to pluck the perfect melody of my fav songs on my guitar, or trying to practice a handstand that i wanted to do so much. And you people know that although i don't look like one, but i love messing my kitchen up , not until i completed a perfect recipe. but those are bad for curing. haha. i think i did a post previously sounded like " it wasn't because of the deep cut...." . So, if you wondered how i got that deep cut. I cut my three fingers with my fingernails! if vampire was there, i'd died .Aw man, y'all should see how fast my blood oozed. haha. Surprisingly how did i do that. I sobbed sitting along the stairway. Mum found me as she was up for a midnight nature call i guess. She brought me back before i loss myself . As she was bandaging , she literally teased me being so pussy for crying over some petty cuts. I told her those cuts waren't pain at all, i was just angry. She gave me a hug and told me : you have the most beautiful hands on earth ,girl.....:)

The first worry came into my mind when i was diagnosed is: aw girl, you have to work your butt off to overcome this to become a dentist. Guess all these , gave me full of fascinating insights into 'WHYs' which been asked so frequently . After all, my life is not kiosk as i thought. For those who constantly worry and concern about my condition, I have a good news, because of all blessings from y'all, i saw some dim light shedding upon me now. I will be 'GLOWING' soon. :) watch me.

Lesson:

My biggest problem is that i am way too stubborn than i supposed to be. It saves me and at the same time kills me. Something really ridiculous sometimes. People who you dont think you can get along with ended up helping you the most, but those cool dudes you're dieing to clique with still there being cool and chill because they never take you as part of their life, you are just some EXTRAS. You know all these while i thought you can only take one path to get to where you want to in life. But i realized, if you choose that one path , that doesn' t mean that you have to abandon the other ones. what counts? The stumbles, the falls , the tears, the fears, the laughter, and..................................... the friendships. This is not the destination, it's the journey.

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay.- WHO YOU ARE, Jessie J

happy birthday.

2011-08-27T19:27:00.000+08:00

I decided not to delete this blog ultimately. I found out that life is too hard for you and me, we need a place to shade from the storms. Mine wasn't anyone's shoulder. Here is mine.

happy birthday. welcome to the real world.

Split it !

2011-08-25T14:57:00.001+08:00

1.) MMMC couldn't give me a place ; quite a number in the waiting list; even if someone pulls out it's impossible i will be the one chosen; god sake, 32th in the waiting list...bite me ! : (

2.) AIMST turned me down, DIRECTLY!!!!! c'mon, you just can't judge me like that; but, dad intend to bring me to see the chancellor, which i am waiting for him to come back to KL. When lar will it be? Even if I see him, does he has the power to guarantee a place for me? what if no one pulls out?

3.) MAHSA , well, although my instinct told me that i didn't want to study there, but , i applied ultimately. I was pissed with MAHSA , and still pissed with them.

" look, you are smart, but...you are....stubborn, you don't know how to think.. sorry to say lar. you made the wrong choice. See, not only wasted your time, now you are so desperate for a place. I can assure you, places are running low even in other universities. you took STPM knowing the fact that it's so hard to get into dentistry in local uni just to save money, instead you have the choice to get into any foundation courses which will guarantee a place if you've such results. Tell me, which risk is more compelling ? "

........:) i just hope someone will pull out because they can't stand being SAVAGED as such. I can still take it although it doesn't feel good.

4.) applied IMU, FIRSTLY, i doubt if i am able the compete for a place. Yeah, i almost lost all my confidence, faith and optimism. Just let me be, I am doing all i can to keep my head tilt high as ever. See, paradox.... Damn it! SECONDLY, 500k is not a small amount. there ain't scholarship for dentistry. Dad told me that, if that day happens, we might have financial constraint. :( GRANT ME A RICH BF !!!!! okay, i am going to stop talking like a slut.....:(

5.) PDiC......* no energy to xplain* .

6.) I completed an unsent application of Nottingham university ..Yeah, yes, is nottingham which don't offers dentistry. I checked for monash, ucsi, and taylor for nutrition or dietetics...WHICH MEANS, i ....am....giving...up.....:(

seriously, i can't go any longer.... i need dose of energy now.... abbi-ase please get to work!!!!!!!!!!

Strike it two

2011-08-22T23:46:00.000+08:00

You can know how severe am I trying to hide from everybody by looking at my attendance in the great grand social web world. If you try defining the acronyms MIA, don't be surprise you'll think of me. I hate FB, it makes me feel miserable looking at people's life and their pretty faces. I hate HOTMAIL, it gives me disappointment after disappointment for not receiving reply letter from universities, or so even reject letter. I hate BLOGGER, it makes me fell like a moron screaming in vain but yet who cares!

i am not going to drone on and on about what happened recently to me. It's more than i could take and less than you might think.

I don't know what is the next step, i don't know seriously. :) Not that i didn't have some thoughts on it....just haven't get the answer. All i had in mind is that i need to be determine and perseverance. " The abbie i know is unbelievably strong and determine." That's what people told me on and on recently . I have this in mind, fellow people : I spent 20 years, struggling to build a tough-girl image, and when i successfully proved myself, then i realize how brittle am i after all. Tears fall easier than ever that me myself hated the way it is.

That's the most recent me after a long long picture drought in this blog . I was thinking, for all the worst thing happened to me, how long can i be as boisterous as this? Am I being hopeless with things, or let it be that i am numbed to all the adversities.........if not, could it be that optimism lives inside my blood long before i knew ????

Confession Letter

2011-07-24T21:29:00.004+08:00

You are right, i never forgive you .You are right, i never trust you, listen to you , or even respect you. You are all set to be right, I have heart feelings until today.How many times we argued, we cried, and then we resolved by compromising...but it didn't ease my hatred....that's me, stubborn and arrogant.

I swore what i mean. i mean it even i didn't trust you that time.... I am affirming it today, it's still valid.....I am sorry... sorry .........i know it affects the way i am now somehow more or less...just... i didn't realize the impact was so severe that I hurt so many people.....you.... dad...

or even amy.... 'saying out ' is not my style you know it...not that i am ignorant, i just don't want to influence you with my ever sucking philosophy that will lead you to my path....stay away from my path i warn you...not that i am not interested with your lovely-dovey stories, i just want to empty my emotions for time being...all in all, dieing to my emotions.

But somehow because of you i am learning to listen.... i thought that will be a good training for me, until one day, before i notice.....i shall be immune on that matter....

my new philosophy .........what doesn't kill me makes me stronger....

" 24 july 2011 Sunday beautiful morning

She shouted : I know, ever since that , you hate me, you think i am useless, you never really forgive mum, one day you will know ......................................................................................" *snap*

die to emotion , abbie....

strike it one

2011-07-21T00:31:00.003+08:00

" Dear mum and dad,

You shouldn't have brought me to this world. It's tough. My energy is depleting soon. "

I had this in my mind lately. But didn't for once express it out verbally. I do not fit so.Yeah, many must be nodding with agreement.

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that being strong meant never losing your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry.

I wish i am crying, perhaps it feels better.

" You are like a bull,

sense no danger,

sense no pain,

running towards a point,

until you knock and bleed,

there you come crying in pain...

not long before you start 'bullfighting' again"

But... that's the reason why i am very exhausted now. Keep falling and climbing... Sometimes, 'seduce a rich, hot man and depend on him ' do not merely a saying to spice up the humdrum coffee shop conversations.

'Don't be upset, just forget about whatever they gave you. Like me, i was the top student in my kampung and even PJ Form 4 onward .My dream is to be a doctor since young, but sadly my STPM results.......... I cried from the moment I got the result, even the whole journey back to my hometown. I got no face to see my parents and friends, felt so guilty, like end of the world, cried the whole entire day. So just accept what i got coz my dad only a paddyman with 5 kids. Even that sum on fees a bit burden for him. That 5 years was really stressful and unhappy. But today i appreciate what i went through and most importantly we have our beloved family by our side, no matter happy or sad, sick or healthy, then everyday is a good day for us! As a mum, we really want our kids to be happy and we are willing to spend everything. I am sure your parents too. So study hard and don't worry about the fees, you will pay them back in the future i am sure. Besides being a good daughter, to me, your are really a good one, all rounded, now all pupus oledi in this century.so face it bravely." -------extracted from an extraordinary text message.

blur vision ; teardrops

" true enough! This world is unfair. You might not feel it now but one day, you will have the chance to question that , and you will never get an answer." -------------some forgotten one

I wasn't quite comprehend it that time. Now i know.

He continued : " You just have to change yourself.. no turning back..."

imperfect = i m perfect?

2011-07-10T01:43:00.001+08:00

imperfect = i m perfect
imperfect = i m perfect
imperfect = i m perfect
imperfect = i m perfect
imperfect = i m perfect
imperfect = i m perfect
imperfect = i m perfect
imperfect = i m perfect
imperfect = i m perfect
imperfect = i m perfect
imperfect = i m perfect
imperfect = i m perfect
imperfect = i m perfect
imperfect = i m perfect
imperfect = i m perfect

it's the power of hypnotherapy. you can't shake me, no you can't

The only facade_________ ^-^

2011-07-06T02:49:00.004+08:00

I didn't know how to react.........

That's why i was laughing through those days....

lost

2011-06-30T21:52:00.004+08:00

When i fall, i hide all the pain. When i am angry, i tell people "it's okay". When i feel like crying, i smile. When tears finally fall , i turn my back facing everyone and sob quietly. When i am demotivated, i desperately find inspirations from anything. When i feel empty, i make myself as busy as possible. I am always ready and willing to rectify my mistakes and flaws..... I worked as hard as people does can you see it? The more you put me to test, the more hatred i developed. i tried to suppress it will all my energy, but i am losing. I felt like getting out of track at times. you grant me with a life where people think i am born with silver spoon. But people don't see what i have been through. That invoked many curiousity about my dramatically changed from the first time they met me. At very young age i think differently as other children---- i wasn't that naive. Thanks to you, you made me a big-figured girl who got teased wherever i go. I was envy with those pretty lil cute girls dressed like a princess by their mums during concerts. I couldn't . i wanted to be an athlete but traumatic fear of sarcasm as such "like a ball rolling on the field" stopped me. i even hated my teachers for arranging fat guys to partner with me. I also knew that those kids befriended with me plainly because they could copy my homeworks, but in order to have companies, i compromised. I was living under my siblings' shadow for very very long time. Teachers would compare that i am not as obedient and all-rounded as my siblings. I was even given a librarian post plainly because a teacher said : Let abbie be, since aaron is head prefect and amy is prefect. Pathetic much? And that teacher was the one who slapped me due to some petty stuff. Few years back, i heard that she was diagnosed as mental disorder. And no one, even my parents would ever believe that i had symptoms of anaemia at a point of my teenage period. I vomited everything out after my meals. At times, i even poured away food prepared by my mum because i knew, i couldn't eat ........ At the same time, I had psychological delusions that i was fat and ugly but in fact i was underweight during that period of time.I didn't know that, my family either... until i learned about this in Form 4 biology. Just suddenly ......i think i am scary. Don't you think so? People said , it's inborn that human has pure, kind heart. I think i have an evil soul naturally...just that it was suppressed after mixing with kind people around me now........

It happens each time when i am devastated.It's like a domino, once initiated, other gruesome memories that i had buried naturally hunt me.

I questioned you a lot recently. Why , did you make it hard for me? Why didn't you grant me what i want? Why do i have evil thoughts? So many that i think devil horns are going to grow on me..... I am pleading you, please lead me. Mum said that you have better arrangements for me and trust you. I lost my faith , can i trust you?

please god, save me. i am lost.

:)

2011-06-15T00:00:00.001+08:00

Everyday I wake up , I suffer from tremendous body ache but it wears off soon and the cycle goes on and on. I don't know when will this last but i am actually living great with it. Subconsciously, to be happy and healthy is the only aim of my life now. At certain point of my life i got frustrated with people,but there is always a turning point when some little faces came in and cheer up my day. Can you feel it, i am struggling to live my life to the fullness.

Children hate me. Don't get the picture wrong.

Spell this, P-U-R-E. ^.^

That's the reason OLYMPUS and LUMIX are kept in cold storage now.

SONY simply rocks the picture.

Fall in love with vintage bag lately.<3

Haha, *like*

Mama will be fine, all along till the end.

My baby-T turns daddy-T.

Figure out how wild is him.

urgh! children hate me!

And if you wonder ,what kind of stupid nun look is this.

That's how i looked during my interview.=.=

You can say that I looked like 'Maria' on the badminton court,

you can say that I looked like 'chicken' on basketball court,

you can say that I looked like 'elephant' in the swimming pool,

don't you dare saying any of these when i am on the RUN-WAY~

EPIC! My lamest picture of the season...opps, someone is rolling his eyes..

Instant facial expression when you interrupt me from SMS-ing.

OWH, all of you waited this day for sooo long....

I WENT 101 HAIR CARE...100% effective!

I hate my cheekbone...especially when i am having thick make-up like this...

ewwsome!

The doorway for actors....

aww, best performance of the season...I would have bring mama if she's fine that time.

i destroy people's decent picture often more than none.

my boss will kill me if she found us inside the children hut.

P-E-A-C-E

SIGNING OFF, FOLKS!

Passerby

2011-05-24T00:52:00.000+08:00

I felt compelling writing this as something happened this morning. I met him for the third time. SURPRISE! HA! It was him, his mum, and the blue ugly grocery bag ,again! I was about to get down form the car....... he walked pass, and COINCIDENTALLY ?looked at me ?? I drew back having eye contact with him very quickly as...i was shy? Owh, did I just say shy? whatever~ =.= he was walking in front of me just so unbelievable. But instead of admiring him from the back, i ruined such "romantic" moment. I smiled at myself and whispered : another passerby! And there I went overtook his way ...

Remember the Kopitiam guy? I told bro about the incident as he was telling how unattractive i am.

bro : " liar....why don't add him? "
me : " cause he is just a passerby!??!!!"

Did I mentioned that i actually met a Filipino-Malaysian mixed in China ? Well, let's just fast forward the story between us, it's not worth sharing. =.= But the day he left, i didn't thank him or say goodbye out of courtesy. You see, that crew left at dawn, I avoided those say-goodbye occasions because it's cliche i know. The next morning as i walked along the hallway , some unknown stopped me and passed me something. ha! I had this in mind certainly : Why do people always leave me coolly and left me awkwardly here?Stupid passerby!

This song. It's a song where i was forced to listen initially.

" We listen together...aww, so romantic..." he plucked one side of the earphone to me.
" why on earth do i have to go through such romantic moment with you? "

At the end of the day? we both doss along with the song. Just if you were wondering who is he, well, the annoying Taiwanese kid i mentioned before. Same scenario, he became a passerby as well.

I don't know, just out of sudden, there are pictures running through my mind one after another. Ever since all the photos when missing from my phone and laptop, the thing i am glad is that memories of those passerby-s are being destroyed at once. I told one passerby long ago, I am like a gust of wind in his life, not his oxygen. Soon as i realized, i was wrong. I should've put it this way : You are like a gust of wind of my life, not my oxygen. That makes a lot of difference, ponder over it.

This explained what happened this morning about that guy. Instead of he being my passerby, let's turn it over. I felt so great when i overtook him as that just proved that............................ i place my faith in fate!

ps correction : He is not a mixed, it's my delusion as he has sharp features..ops, my bad....:)

Show me your smiley teeth!

2011-05-18T23:35:00.002+08:00

Recently, I was amazed by how people managing the dish called love. Whether my family or my close mates or my juniors.They are just so strong! I tell myself, if people can do it, why not me? I wasn't referring my past, i was referring my future. I decided to keep the hyperactive Abbie with me, cause i felt so so so comfortable being so. I always ask myself, if suddenly i died, what impression i'd love to leave behind.

well,

"An infectious, bubbly girl who stands up and smiles bravely against all adversities. "

I hope that my actions and words, regardless good or bad, will leave some effects on their life, even a wee bit is more than enough.Cause you never know how much you infected me with your words and actions. You never know how much warmth inside me as I know that there are people who care about me constantly. I love people, really. Yet to hate? God knows. :) So, please show me your smiley teeth. You , you and you will be all right. ^.^

now you can close your mouth, cause you offended the braces girl.=.=

who am i?

2011-05-07T23:52:00.001+08:00

This post supposed to be blank, empty and emotional-less...
Cause I had not been thinking much lately.
no any inner thoughts...
no chilling out with friends...
just adhering my fully-packed daily routine....:)

until yesterday ,
I was grumbling about she didn't tell me things about she and her little lover,
she threw me this : " you also don't want to listen, not i don't want to tell you.."
ha! yeah... now i remember~
i made myself so busy and occupied because i am so fed up with love matters that i don't even want to listen.
i am just so honest right?
i made myself so insane , crappy and lame because i am so fed up with people telling me how to carry myself to woo better guys.
i am just being rebellious.
it turns up badly.
Some told me that i have the ability to make strangers talk to me as if i'm their close ones..
why that i just couldn't see eye to eye about this? In fact...
People afraid of having heart-to-heart talk especially about love matters with me because i couldn't provide any hope.
i am too realistic with things.
NO FAIRY TALES in my dictionary..
Or maybe they think that i am like a big hyper kid fooling around who doesn't fully comprehend the taste of life...
i have changed a lot right?
until this extend, i suddenly don't recognized myself anymore.
How was I, or how am I?
No matter how many people tell me about myself ,
I just yet to agree with someone who can strike to right description of myself.
ha!
At least as a first start, like she was saying,
stop giving the mean, evil look which is scary..
owh , it's a habit after being porcupine lar...
kay, see, i give reason to defend myself again!! =.="
How could a person with so many bad habits able to change herself?
Speak now!
Who am i?

Loser's Remark

2011-04-30T20:28:00.000+08:00

It wasn't because of the deep cut ;

It was me angry with God for putting me into test too often.

Let's just admit it,

we do scold Lord for being unfair to us sometimes....

No?

Only loser says so....I felt like one that night...

Friendly? But i am heartless.

2011-04-18T00:00:00.001+08:00

I was quite in a mess lately. You might be surprise why aren't me going insane instead of calmly typing this.Ha! I did meditation 7 x7=49 times per day.=.=

When my beloved phone went swimming one fine morning, there goes those messy nonsense coming one after another. I was so calm right? Yeah, then, lately, my internal hard disk went faulty and G-R-E-A-T! Nothing is left. My photos, musics, videos,uni application documents, passwords for all uni websites.....G-O-N-E! Owh, aren't you surprise? I am, you know.I am calmly sitting down here patching up those mess....re-typing all the application documents..digging out all the old photos, musics, videos *which 90% couldn't be retrieved elsewhere*

Owh yeah, I had lost my coolness. I just discovered a moment ago. How sad.Seriously, I stammered when someone asked me out? ha! Bite me!=.=

Owh yeah, and i freaked out like " heaven "when ........well, let's see this situation :

waiter : Excuse me, miss. Got one guy ask what is your name?
human : ??
waiter : The one in black shirt in that table.
Donkey : *smile*
human : Owh sh*t, donkey you! *turn away*

an hour later,

waiter : Excuse me , miss. Nah, he ask me to pass to you.

" what is your FB?

Mine is *********** , add me ."

3 hours later ,

He walked to the table : " Sorry, I hope I didn't scare you, you don't mind? we were just being friendly. "
Human : owh..err....okay...yeah.... Okay, get lost now, people are looking at me.
Donkey : Nice to meet you *smile*
Human : OWH......yeah...sure....* fake ever smile*

Owh, just so you are interested in this Donkey. ADD HIM. SPAM HIM! billycj83@hotmail.com ! SEE, I HAVE GOOD MEMORY~~~ =.= especially those who embarrass me and leave me wishing that the floor can open up a hole for me. okay, i think the hotmail add is not right. i forgot. sweat!

human : Bill!
waiter : hehehehe...just now so sorry.....
human : owh...err..
waiter : he likes you...
human : * smile * you better not say sorry to me and get lost!

Owh, come back my abbie!!!!!

Gone.

2011-04-15T00:21:00.001+08:00

I am officially a brat without history. Nothing was left for me reminisce my past. God's will for me to have a fresh start? HA! I sucks, seriously. *sigh*

:)

2011-04-05T23:44:00.000+08:00

1.) I promise, will update this blog as frequent as possible. I promise, to not delivering something that is hard to understand. BTW, who cares...=.=

2.) I am very unpredictable. RECENTLY.

3.)The more I am tired , the more I make myself busier. But my family are delighted as they got the "benefits"

"Mum, lent me your kitchen."
" Are you all right? at this time? "
" YESSSS.....I will clean up for you."
" Feel free to use it then..."

I am a vain hyper child. Especially when the sun goes down....*smirk*

4.) I have been driving without my license for more than a month....ps, and broke a FEW traffic rules......ops!

5.) I failed to got through the audition for T4YP ( theater for young people) . I never felt so glad for such failure. Okay, i lied. =.= but ...i don't know. There are two me.I screwed up the audition just as i saw the rehearsals' time. i was the only participant who stared at the paper for looonnng, clueless with the decision. Getting in T4YP = no time for yam cha, rush from work to EVERY rehearsals, gobble every meal, no time to take care of my sick grandma, no time to teach tuition , no time for my family, my friends....and as usual, no time for myself!!!!!! But... not getting in T4YP = I waste my effort, time and energy for dreaming, aspiring , and desiring of being one of them for the past THREE YEARS!!!! Paradox. Lesson accepted : what's yours, it's yours.

6.) I started making teeth mould. And feel sense of accomplishment each time i successfully unmould those "cute smiley" in a perfect order. Yeah, it may sound kiddy job. Try it and you will know.

7.) I found myself driving out one night , bought a yogurt and start gulping while staring at the passerby and my mind was blank. =.=

8.) I woke up one night with my shirt soaked with sweat. I dreamt that i got killed by my " real parents" because i am not the real child of my parents, i mean chong meng foong and lo kong mun.. complicated huh? .. =.=" But it was scary, really scary.

9.) I met a family approaching me and asked if i am a Malaysian. LIKE DUHHH~ They said : " Coz you don't look like typical Chinese, like Korean or Japanese." I told my dad about that and he said : " yalar, actually you look like Korean or Japanese, but not that pretty lar..." See, can you believe it, that's my dad. When i accused him for not my dad, he said : "Took you from the garbage bin". =.=.. Later that evening, my aunt * aunty,often refers to my mum's friend in this blog* said : " The first time i saw you i thought you are a mixed." While I was on cloud nine that day, the dream knocked some senses in my head.

10.) The reason why i am not organize with my blog, my computer, my room, my phone, or anything.........is because i couldn't manage to organize my thoughts in my brain and convey it into words or action. I am just bad at serious talk! crap is so much easier. Like now.

11.)I scare of losing my grandma. But she wants to leave. What can i do when there isn't any will for her to survive? It feels like one sided love. So pain yet so sweet. Cause you had already knew, nothing you will get in return, but it's sweet when she patted on your face.

12.) I wasn't using the way i teach when i was 18. I was RELATIVELY strict to my tuition kids now. Frankly, they are not bright. Me neither, but i gave a little force on myself each day to get to here. The thing is that they even lazy to use their brain! Seriously, i almost vomit blood each time i teach. There is this kid, who really drove me nuts by not able to absorb what i have said even after more than ten times of explanations, FINALLY. i said : " stand up, bend your knees.......where's your knees? Now, show me, tap your feet...hello, feet....point!" Yeah, i have been doing this for a nice 15 minutes. Guess what, his mother called up my mum next day and stopped her son certainly, accusing that i scolded her son till he cries. GREAT! I don't feel like even explaining. Last week, his mum called up and told my mum : Eh,pn. chong, cikgu tuition dia sekarang tak baik lar. Dia tak suka pergi situ. I hantar dia balik kepada anak you kay?

And, this kid comes smiling to me with his innocent look minus his two incisors today. =.=

13.) I hate to hang out with my *aunties for luncheons. okay, but I know, i get benefits from there....=.="

14.) I deal with the old and young ones a lot ever since i started working which made this devil here having angel's halo above. I couldn't forget how the the old man told me to "find the right guy for yourself" just as he left to airport. I can also vividly remember the half-paralysed old woman who told me that " you are such a good girl " as she held my hands tight, after i helpped her down the stairs. I smiled each time i reminisced of this kid called Denzeal. He is a brave kid at his age of 4. As usual, i went to call the "next patient " and Denzeal came running to me.

" Doctor Doctor.... my teeth pain."
"huh? I am not doctor......"
" Je je, my teeth pain..."
" haha, nevermind, come, the doctor will check for you."

I turn around and start walking swiftly. Not noticing that he was chasing after my steps and held my hand. I was seriously stunned. Just count with your hands how many child actually initiate to hold your hands before you hold theirs!?

Well , WELL, well..........life is like these kids and aunties now. So annoying yet adorable at times. This love hate feelings will last until the day i gasp for my last breath. What's more than living the moment than hypnotising myself that i can turn hate into love....which is so so impossible. Live the moment , abbie, please, you have to.

i am a devil with an angel's overcoat.

2011-04-02T00:50:00.003+08:00

Lately, finally I understand why I am trained to be the way i am today; which has created much "controversy" about it . I have burdens. I don't know if people notice, i am trained to be what i am not naturally ; capable, multitasking, polite, lady-like,for some reasons. What i am going to bear in the future is not just about my family, is also about taking care of my aunt and uncle who treated me as their daughter , and aid my cousins whenever they need. Why? I looked like an angel in their eyes? I hated the fact that i have a selfish brother who only thinks about himself! i hated the fact that i am not the one protected but my sis is....and the weird thing is, i please my brother a lot because i thought LOVE and CARE is all it takes to melt someone. And i still believe that my sister will help me lighten my burdens soon. I don't know, please proof me right before i give up.

Have you ever watch a person from how she chased you with a cane, to how she sat motionlessly holding your hands close to her face and say : I am sorry, you must be aggrieved . A person whom changed your pampers when you were a baby now needs you to change her pampers. A person whom bath you everyday now can hardly shampoo by herself. A person who carried you in her arms once upon a time now needs you to carry her to the wheelchair. A person who cleaned up your excretory wastes back then now apologize to you as you squad and get dirty. Have you?

Sorry, i am just a donkey who is afraid of facing the future with so many responsibilities on my shoulders but never stop hypnotizing herself that everything will be all right for her....How nice if someone is willing to change life with me so that i know whether am I a B*tch who brags about her hectic life, her miserable life, her importance ....etc........or it's fated that i am meant to be aggrieved. If then, i shall change my life philosophy or slap me till i change.

i am doing good

2011-03-06T14:12:00.004+08:00

I checked out my friends' blog just before this. People were being emotional , melancholic, and lost in action. I recalled back my initial initiatives of starting up a blog. I was just trying to yearn some recognitions. To feel useful about oneselves. To make sure that when i look back my life when i was younger, it's not just a plain white paper. To make sure when i look back , i was glad, happy and proud of myself of leading a life different as others. After all, i tried my very best to colour the white paper. You see, i was that unconfident. Perhaps now too.

" are you special?" my leadership tutor asked me this question.

"yes, teacher, she is, i like her personalities......she has many friends...... dot dot dot........" my friends answered the question on behalf on me.

"abbie, are you special?" she asked again.

" yes!" i am supposed to give her a firm answer. She is very particular over that.

"why do you want to be special?"

" ..........." i was mute for a moment. Until today, i couldn't find the answer. That was just many of the questions that i tried and tried and just couldn't get the answer. GUESS even professor psychologist couldn't help me with it.

Yes, i have been reflecting on myself pretty much and reading up books------ philosophical books. It just like light bulbs lighting up here and there upon my head. Don't ask me what is playing in my mind. I decided to keep my profile really low. perhaps that's the reason why i became more reserved now. humble = reserved

During weekly class, i have been relatively quiet, not exactly quiet. ha! Apparently i don't know that teacher. I am there now because of my friends who pulled me there saying that this teacher will like me because i have similar look and outgoing personality as her mentee.

" For you, "failure" doesn't belongs in your dictionary, rite?"

" ha, no, failure loves me, until i am numbed with failure."

" that's is! even you yourself didn't notice it. you are numbed with failure. You got it?"

The stare she drilled into my eyes is so deep. I know that's some deeper definition about her words. But i don't know what. Please professor psychologist, save me...

so that's it, i might be changing very often recently, but trust me, i am just trying to evolve into a better person. i have been pretty much enriching myself with " NUTRIENTS "..... so bear with me people.

owh yeah, if you find it annoying of can't contacting me in urgent situation. Please forgive me. I am currently having technical problems with my phone. No, my brother called it "pigeon" . As i might receive your messages after a day or two....=.=

P/S not changing phone is one of the way of keeping my profile low....or in another word? RESERVED.

another p/s owh gosh!!!!!!! my sis is super in love now. How ashamed of me as her sister! see, my phone is ringing, it's her. Hold on, just let me click "publish"!

Paradoxs ; puzzles of life

2011-02-22T00:57:00.002+08:00

" i am human, i am not machine. i am not like other girls, i am not obedient, i am not polite , i am not gentle, yes! happy??? i tried to change! I TRIED! No one will see how someone struggling to transform into someone else.... you gave me everything! good food ,cloths, facial, bags, shoes.......yeah, i have nothing to say. i don't even dare to open my mouth. but when i tell you that " i am tired", you started telling me how you strived for live. i told you that i am busy, you told me your daily schedule?! You can come shedding tears to me after all the awful words by some donkeys!! did i ever just skip your problems through? i know i have the most capable mum on earth, hey, have you ever looked into my problems ? have you know so many moments of me wanting to tell you so much that " i am sad", " i am frustrated" , " i am scared" , " i am clueless" , but i refrained eventually ... you don't even know, how much i lied to you after my heartbreak just to keep you grateful that your daughter here has the ability to get up fast when she falls!!!! you don't even know how much i felt like being a gross, nasty slut just by letting go all my pride!!!!and you don't know that how much anger burning in my heart, when............................."

have you ever seen me blowing up like that? it's scary.

Mum and i argued a lot, but we get back like BFF very fast. The recent time was a bit scary. Mum swore that she will disown me ; asking me to throw away the valentine's cake i baked ; and i threw, threw away all my efforts together with the cake; hid myself in the room just as i come back from work ; just couldn't be bothered to help out her tuition classes ; more shouting, scolding and TEARS......

it was over, after i blew up to end that cold war.It was over, after whole night crying and telling all the miseries i had been through . Well, maybe not all... It makes me understand myself more. I have temper actually, i have more tears than i could think i had, i can get angry, and angrier, and hate you like...nothing

I came across this song just yesterday at Redbox, despite its dull melody, i found it actually applies to me somehow more or less.... it applies to all relationships of mine...

i think now it applies to my parents too. The more they don't say a word, the more they mean something.

" DARL, THE BEST PRESENT YOU'VE GOT FOR THIS YEAR IS FROM YOUR DAUGHTER :) SHE got................" -wife

I burst into tears. uncontrollably.

just wish that i am younger ........when " i seldom cry when i was a baby". *cough*

snippets!

2011-02-13T23:04:00.003+08:00

Since the first day of the CNY, I had not yet to have time for myself...not until today .....

For some reasons, i love to keep things although i seems like someone who doesn't care at all. Hz is right, put me in the museum , let me rot to death with the dinosaurs. =.="

Besides many letters, love letters ( owh, sadly i lost my best friend's poem ), CNY wishing cards, b'day cards, and some notes gossiping about so and so........i found this picture

HA HA HA~

and essays of mine when i was six...

" Today my mother beat me and punis(punished) me, because i go and wet the mat. And the whole floor is (was) wet. So, my mother beat me two times but i still never say sorry. ( I didn't admit my mistakes)

Next time if i do that again mother will beat me and punish me again. ( The punishment was I have to sleep early and no watching TV today.) "

The red marks were corrections done by my strict mum . Not only that, found another essay mummy wrote for me to fill in the blanks.

Abbie lo is my name. My grandfather gave this name. Abbie means a source of joy . My mother loves me very much because I seldom cry when i was a baby. I am quick-tempered but also quick to forget. I don't like punishment. Scolding is alright for me.

hahaha......i am laughing at myself now......

Did cookies --- Went grandma's place for reunion dinner----played with firecrackers----went for late night movie and came back at odd time---- slept with grandma but woke up middle of the night----chat with my aunt and uncle till 5pm at dawn!!!!!

...........

Grandchildren woke up early to prepare branch for nanny---- dyed my hair, aubergine! ---- rushed to jas house, then ying's hse, then yee's house.......rushed to KTM station as some VIPs came all the way down to KL, so i was supposed to meet them at mid valley---- back at grandma's place to have supper....

say the colour is nice...hahaha

stupid....he quoted my words and got so many "likes"

no doubt, my quotation has arisen questions to ponder over it. errhem !

........

Caught up with primary school friend----narcissism stroke us, so-called photoshot session occurred ------ departed back to ipoh----visited one relative after another-----we actually slept at a very typical kampung house.

let the picture speaks for the rest. i am very lazy now

act stupid is my hobby...mind you?!

That's the same position i was remaining for the whole day long....

now that i found the remedy to draw me away from the topsy- turvy reality.

Drama plainly rocks .

It's actually tiring sometimes....

2011-02-13T02:01:00.000+08:00

mind the title...

i don't know what makes me that tiring...cause instead of spending time thinking , i might as well as spend time sleeping. You can say that i am running away from things...perhaps that's how the way i live till today....

Living the life i am living today really makes me see myself clearly...most of it, not all but more than never ....the ugly sides of myself....you know, that's what i hate most...

I am happy, although not as happy as what I hope to be one day----------------------------but happier .

it's never secure telling out too much....~~SH*T~~! >.<

p.s. actually, I still have time to blog ^.^

2011-01-27T01:28:00.004+08:00

hm....that's just one of the many things that occupied me currently. I wish someone can grant me more time and i will tell more stories about .........anything!!!!! hahaha...apparently, I need to sleep now...

Title: A Chance For Love ( 1st draft)
Lyrics : Err...i don't know how to read his name. haha...definitely not any Tom, Dick or Harry lar...SOMEBODY...
Melody : Who else, Einstein... muahahaha

goodnight folks!!!

mental block, so untitled...

2011-01-18T22:16:00.001+08:00

It s me torturing myself again....

1st job( dental nurse)

Mon                10pm-7pm
Tues                 9pm-6pm
Wed                10pm-7pm
Thurs                9pm-6pm
Fri                   10pm-7pm
Sat                    9pm-6pm

2nd job (teacher)

Mon                 8pm-9.30 pm
~~Tues                 4.30pm-6pm~~ (time clashes, exempted)
Wed                 8pm-9.30pm
~~Thurs                4.30pm-6pm~~(time clashes, exempted)
Fri                    8pm-9.30pm
Sat                   OFF
Sun                   8pm-9.30pm

3rd job ( demo singer)

anytime beside the time mentioned above.

Other obligations

Cook lunch plus dinner,
bake CNY cookies,
do research on Uni .
SLEEP

The 'what ifs" hunt me like mad. really. What if ...my results not even fits the minimum requirement of getting in a dental school. Gracious!!! I will never get the answer.... at least until march....Everyone knows about it. If "what if" comes true...i shall be the joke of the century.....Urgggggg!!!! go and sleep!!!!!!

updates!

2011-01-14T19:51:00.000+08:00

Oh well, this girl is actually undergoing some form of TOUGH training to become some sort of "perfect lady", so-called, which makes no difference as man nowadays got wooed by pretty looks.

Nooooo, you don't need to understand,

it's the relentless drone......

Again?

Yes.

Again.

Kamusta ka na???

2011-01-08T12:07:00.006+08:00

It means : How are you??

HMM...sit back now...story time~

Well, during my days at china, I got a little , well , maybe a lot wild than usual. Thinking back. I felt like I was a bad girl. HAHA..you will know why soon.First, if you've checkout my FB, my territory are totally invaded by hooligans. Yes, those are the people that i mixed with for half a month. What will people think when you see a girl mixing around with a bunch of boys? They must be thinking that this girl is a real slut. Anyway, i don't need to explain much about how we became so close. Cause me myself don't know. They are sweet enough to treat me like their elder sister . Each time during class, they leave a place for me beside them, even in bus, they did the same. Every morning, they knock my hotel room and call me up for breakfast. Sometimes, they even provide me with delicious BBQ for supper. There was this time when they helped me to drink cups after cups of beer given to me. so, phew!

By the way, those are the good comments about them. I am seriously trying to look at the good side ...-.-" China counselors always ask me the same old question : Why do you got bullied often? So the reality is that.....

I felt like being 'raped' thrice. 1st time was the Creamy Night. That night, i walked out of my sis room after sending dinner for this sick donkey. Just as I turned to a corner, one Myanmar guy shouted : " ABBIEEE....THERE!!!!!" As i turned back, it was like a swam of bees attacking me. I really tried to run. But....T.T......My hair, my face, my HP,my camera, my name tag, my overcoat, my jeans..... everything!!!! covered by cream.....They literally pressed my down on the floor and savaged me like animals! Worst of all, i can't shout as i lost my voice totally on that day.Stupid!

Like i was waxing my hair using GATSPY.

2nd time was about my phone. I don't remember how they found out those demo i sang . Few of them pushed me against the wall while others were bluetooth-ing my song using my phone. I tried to set myself free. They were urging : " WEI!!!! FASTER~~~ THIS GIRL HAS COW'S ENERGY LAR!!!!!" Meanwhile i was yelling and struggling. Things got worst when our noises caught the attention of people from Myanmar and Philippine..... they too came in and bluetoothed my song. I SAT HELPLESSLY ON THE FLOOR AT THE END OF THE DAY. Like hello, i don't know much about copyrights, that's why i don't really dare to expose it like nobody's business.Einstein told me if i would have to expose, don't expose the entire song. But now, looks like I'd made it too big. I was even forced!!!! Forced to sing live version of that song.-.-" I bad those China people will be like : What on earth is she singing...HA HA HA...-.-

.....MUTE....

Well, third time nearly took my life. It was just a day before we departed back to KL. Suddenly , this little fatty came knocking my door.

" *BIG SMILE*"

"No! "

"Please......please!"

"NO!!!! Can't you see, i am busy packing * start acting busy*."

" I don't care, faster, later they come and snatch you away...faster, nanny!"

Just as he was trying to pull me out, I heard my name. SH*T! I thought i was an ostrich , so i hid under my blanket. The door opened. Little fatty was shouting : " No, don't take my nanny away, she is mine!!!You all so big already, pack yourself lar!!!!!! " He clung around my neck while others were trying to tear me into pieces. No one actually knew, I NEARLY SUFFOCATED!!!!

This is it, the rounded one who nearly killed me.

I met this Taiwan boy, who is annoying in a way.He just love to act as my boyfriend. I am serious, although it's hard to believe that someone actually willing to do that. But in front of me, he teased me like nobody's business. That day at Midvalley, I met my junior. Guess what he did? He clung on my shoulders with the ever annoying face : " hello, you are abbie's friend? I am her boyfriend...hai!" He got elbowed the next second.Just yesterday i received his call during his schooling hours. His friend was asking me : " ei, you are ***'s gf ?? why you look so ~~old~~ one??" ......I am a total mute now.....So he even lied to his friends. Greaat!

" Darling ...are you missing me???"

" You treated every girl like that??"

" No, cause I am close with you.."

" Wait...don't act close with me..."

" oii!!!!#$$%%$^^%%$$#$%%^&*.."

That's where we love to hang out for supper. It's a small hawker stall selling BBQ food.

Beer and food there are super cheap.

Owh yeah, i have a very special person to share..

haahahaha!!! My dance class teacher. He is really the sternest teacher ever. He always comes out with harsh comments like:" you look like a chicken!" "ugly!" " not girlish at all!" He even threatened to keep me at Yun Nan and marry me to some young chap over there each time i failed to obey him. In fact, i was suppose to be extremely girlish with all the dance move, but often, he gave me his poker face .

" What.....don't pressure me like that..."

" Class, this girl has the potential in wushu...(turn to me) I thought you wanted to fight with me...."

"hahahahaha.....yeah, maybe..."

I think the reason why we have such chemistry is because we have some similarities. We both take every opportunity seriously. He taught us not merely dance steps, also many lessons of life. Now that I am missing those moments when i hated him so much for torturing my legs but got so warm inside when he knocked my head and called me "little ghost" haha...

Remember? I said don't judge a book by its cover. I think i could understand why Kbians had this bad-girl impression on me initially. I am prone to that maybe.

This is a real hooligan. He is the wildest person i have ever seen. Even more Jinjang than typical Jinjang-Jong...-.-" His father is really rich, but doing all sort of under-table businesses. At such young age, he drinks and smokes. He swears like nobody's business. Each time he feels threatening, he fights. He is a glue sniffer.He even consumes Yaba drugs .Back at his home at Myanmar , there are storage of Yaba drugs. I don't know how people will think about him. I was really really afraid of him initially. Just don't feel like having any conversation with him. But if any chance, i tried my best the treat him normally. Our friendship started when I was escorted to his room for party. I tried to escape but got caught eventually.

Taiwan boy : We are like bringing her to see 'dai ko' right?
Me : Yalah!!!! why me?? i don't know them lar!!!
Taiwan boy : Just go lar, I'll protect you...
Jason : You know why he invited you?
Me : How i know?
Jason : Coz he said you never ever look down on him....he even specifically mentioned your name 'abbie je' to come...so you give face or not?

After that day...he was my No.1 supporter for whatever i did. He vowed that if one day I become a singer, he will buy 10 dozens of my CDs. I have tried to explain to him that I have more realistic dream. He doesn't seem to understand. The day when i represented all the participants to give a speech, everyone cheer on their sits, but he...ha!..he stood up and jumped like a monkey.......I have learned a lot from him. Really. Isn't this special? From how i held back each time we talked, to the moment i got to know that he actually needs respect and recognition form everyone to treat him normally, until the very end he shouted to me : " abbie je, you must be famous!!!! i will buy your CD!!!!!" Just as the bus moved away.....

So yeah, that's life...

Okay, the bad girl climax scene is here. That night, we were supposed to quietly slipped out the hotel and travel down to the city. Our plan was ruined all because of the clumsy, prawn-headed me. I lost my purse. Stupid right? Although i was lucky to find back...but i felt really bad. They changed the plan to night club. I think.....errmm... i think i really drink more than usual..There's this guy X from Myanmar whom always mixed with us. Guess what, he is another 'dinosaur' .Even guys can't resist being his friends. They cried for him when he went back to his country....Just that.... i don't really understand why a guy who has a girlfriend can do such thing. Well, that place was really noisy, the lightning was glaring, people smoking, drinking, dancing......i was pulled to the centre of dance floor twice..once you are in the middle, guys come sandwiching you... gracious ..each time...i dance till i drop. Guy X pulled me to aside and whispered at my ears : " You want to go back? I bring you back now...." I didn't went back. I shoved him away and continued my wildness. I don't know. Just that ,i vividly remembered on the dance floor... he whispered :" You look beautiful when you let down your hair and dance like that.." Err....I forgot how i reacted...-.-! During our way back to the hotel...we were all a little drunk. Jason boasted that he could carry me. And i was like : yeah right...Yes, he ended up carried me at his back , but let me off suddenly, i fell hard on the ground. Guy X pulled me up and faced his back to me : " come, i carry you.." I gave him my typical silly smile and walked away. Back at hotel, he was really drunk i guess, he slept straight on the floor. While me, i went to a friend's room , turned on the TV , but my eyes were closed. I don't know how long i slept, but as i woke up, i was shocked! I saw him standing in front of me and everyone beside me were sleeping in all directions.

He laughed.

" What???!!!"

" How can you sleep in such way?"

"hahaha. Dunno."

Okay, things happened after that was a bit fishy....i just don't feel like explaining here.. Anyways, don't worry, i still have my dignity, i know who am i, what am i......So don't start assuming.... I am still the same old abbie. The one who step back each time people step forward. Cause I know, false hope are not good for health. Just that , sometimes i got a little out of track when i am saturated with inner thoughts... hahaha...okay, i shall really keep quiet now...

It's my pleasure to be one and only one who took photo with the pioneer of the hotel we were staying..

Stupid him! He is everywhere on my FB.

Principle of KUNMING university ..a super cool man.

Awwww..this kid is sooo ccuuttteee..

He ran to me and showed me his name tag : " you see, i also got ..."

Owh, i was melted....^.^

She sings like an angel.haha. My vocal teacher.

More of those moments.....

In fact, i took like forever to complete this post...Gosh!!!! Finally!!! hahaha...Since day 1 i came back, I have been working on this post...but each time, either i was being called to do house choresssssssss, or i was being called to teach little kiddy...or busy socializing....But most of the time, I was being drew away by FB......-.-!
I am finally done...

This too shall pass ; this passed.

2010-12-16T20:00:00.000+08:00

I sat in front of this laptop for quite some time.... hesitating whether to type this or just let this feelings fade along with time. I think i need to speak. I warned you, this is not good for ears. I might be very bitchy today.

It's over.

I hoped for this day too long. Until when it's over, i am extremely exhausted. I mean, mentally. It's like , so meaningless. The entire madness year just ends like that. To be frank, i suffered from much more stress that you could ever know. And also countless miseries as you know. During this period of time, i came up here a few times. But i never have the guts to click "post" just as i finished typing. I know, I have been blessed with many great people around me. I live the life most people hoping for. I don't deserve a right to grumble. That's why I substitute those post with meaningless post about idol , like they are staying next to me or something...holding all in each time you are unsatisfied with how things fall on you it's painful people.

Do you know how much i wanted to excel in this exam? I did this not merely for my future. It means a lot to my parents. It's about a family's image. Actually i still don't understand. What's wrong with being a prof. 's daughter who don't score well in her exam. What's wrong with being a prof. 's son who is that genius but not holding any degree cert? What's wrong with the society? Can't they just leave us alone? My dad is the most humble person i have ever met. He did everything for me to keep me holding on and never give up until the last moment. He don't deserve such treatment.That afternoon, my mum broke down in front of me. If you have seen my mum, you know how tough is this woman. If you think i am a 'cow', start imagine 10 times of me. Hatred built in me just before mum hugged me and tell me that : Bear this abbie.....we have to bear this..... I am not the top scorer in school. But i never ever say the word 'give up'. I remembered long before this, i ended a post like : " One day, I will make people telling me straight to my face that i am tough. At least for now sis knows it." I successfully did it. But..... I felt myself so weak right now. Those people should really see when I was in the dark days. And they shall really change their mind .

I thought i was hardworking. I thought. But you never know how disappointing this will be. The chem paper........ha! Bizarre things always happened to me, no? Any case of STPM candidate having nervous break down during exam, it might be me. I got 'guidance ' during the paper. yeah, now you think i am lucky. you want to try? It was the most stressful exam i have ever took. Anytime , i will be in trouble. I was totally blank. And why chemistry??? Not even an hour passed after the exam, someone had already asking my dad's job. And started going like 'then you can ask your dad '. Cut those please!!! For the rest of the paper....you can guess it...

I never fail the disappoint people this year. Whether how i settle my relationship or how i perform in studies.I always overestimate myself, think that i can settle without any of your help. Often, i messed it up. I know, no matter what i do, when i turn back there will be someone standing behind , just the matter if i want to go back to them. It's a habit of mine, bad habit.The 5 year old kid story..you heard before?

She was five, her sis was three. As usual, she played around her neighbourhood that evening. That was then her sis pestering her to 'play at the other side of the longkang'. Brainless her thought that she's that macho and carried her sis . Tragedy. Her leg slipped and went scratching between the metal steels. It stuck right at her knee. That was crazy after that. The little three year old ran all the way home alone, and barely know how to speak " come...je je..there...come!! " Relatives ran out to the scene, neighbours emerged to help , and nice scolding from her parents. She ran up and locked herself up. Grab the tissue box and start putting 'mask' on her leg. The wound was nasty. Skin scraped right from her ankle to her knee. Then she knows what is pain.Yet no tears.

Now when people talk about this, I always ask myself, kids cry when they are in pain, why didn't she? It's painful right?

I am thinking, how am i going to face those people who have so much faith on me? Datin who gave me a bear hug and told me " no nonsense! 8 As is good enough, you can even get 4 flat soon". Aunty Lilian who held my hands and told me " i have faith on you, you can do it more than you know" . Pn wong who told my mum that " she did constant studies, should be no prob for her". Pn zahariah who stopped me once and asked " abbie, are you okay? i believe your trial results this time is exceptional." Pn Mary who said the same old thing that "abbie, abbie, study study! don't let me see you on FB." My aunt who spoke to me once that : " I know you want to save your parents money. But don't tire yourself. We parents can felt it." Grandma who clung on my shoulders and told me : " Got study or not? Try your best is enough. Know or not?" My friends who thought that i am the black horse. Those seniors who gave me so many books. Those people who shared their tuition tips with me. Those who reminded me each time to stop challenging myself during exam .My friends who have been so understanding each time i turned down any of the yam cha sessions. The sudden gathering at my place to cheer me up. Actually i know, that was my mum's idea right? I never confront her, don't worry.And the whole radio thing. The DJ who spared three episodes of that segment for me. He said " Although you suffered , but you gained friendships." I wet my pillow that night. I felt like i disappoint many people. I thought i hide it perfectly that you people will think that i am over the dark days. Looks like i need to improve my acting skills ..

And of course, my family....mum who told me that : " Don't worry girl, you've done your best, even if i sell the RP house, I will make sure you get the course you wanted. " Dad , the one who knows me best even when i don't speak. We are the same species, we don't like to explain . It's hard to find someone who can really know what are you are thinking even when you are in silent. That's why we have unspoken words. This proved that i am a quiet person in nature.......and look who was speaking???

*sigh* exam is tough. Being a human is tougher. Teach me, how to face them three months later?????? Some asked me, why must i take myself so seriously? Some asked me, why don't i accept people's compliment proudly? Some asked me, where goes my confidence? ha! If I have the choice, i will choose to just sit back and flirt with any random guys, keep falling in love one after another and party till i drop. Great, and now i sounded like good girls gone bad. No, bad girls gone worst. I need to be honest, my confidence and pride were being tested once after another by this Mr perfect, so-called. I have been teased for my entire life, yes, i ain't kidding, but i can get over it easily without blowing up.Not this time i guess, I AM ALLERGIC TO TRAGEDY. It may seems pathetic but it true that i lived under his words for long. I tried to do anything , anything to stop his words from appearing in my mind. Now i am laughing at the 11 certs i got for this year. Why, abbie??? I did this to fully occupied my time, i tortured myself until the maximum just to get over all the nonsense. He will never understand, never. I am not the usual girls he messed with i guess. Pulling many strings ain't easy for me. I just don't want to be someone who take take take every post given but just act like king of anything there.Siapa makan cili , dia rasa pedas. I never stop valuate and re-valuate myself. Felt like someone who has attitude problems. I can't face the flawed abbie. Keep changing the way i treated people, keep telling myself to be good. All in all, i just want to make sure that he will be the first and last to say so to me. But at the end of the day, when i look into the mirror, i saw the weary eyes on the pale look, i forgot how was i once upon a time. Sorry people, truely sorry, I know i hurt guys a lot. I am not saying this like i am as pretty as Miss so-and-so, having guys hooked up with them all day long...ha!Who knows, i always got negative labels thinking that am boasting. PU-LESE--- You people know the best how un-suk lui i am. Great, and now i admit it. -.-"

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. It's actually meaningless typing all these. I still have to face it as soon as i press 'post' . It got even worst when people will think you are trying to act out some kind of Korean drama. I don't care. I just want to set myself free. It's too tired. People, thanks for being such a sweetheart during those days, and sorry for any form of drama. I am just a normal girl you need to understand. yeah, I still remember my promise in front of the whole 988 listeners. Please do tell me if one day, you felt that i really kept my promise. You don't need to tell me just for the sake of telling it. I am not only allergic to tragedy, fake words also.

GREAT! Now, leave me alone....Don't call, don't text, don't find. You will only pamper me. I need to face the wall and insaf alone. Or you can say that i don't want to face any consequences after posting this. Trust me, it do have consequences. Anyway, i have changed to my China number. too bad~

till then....see ya next year.

SO........

OFF YOU GO!!!!!!

YOU TRASHY YEEEAAARRRRRR!!!!!!

I am burning

2010-10-31T11:11:00.002+08:00

" you see, they have such cool recording devices."

" .................you have the headset what ...... "

"...........yeah.....-.-"..."

These two guys are simply just too amazing. One sing, one produce.....Watch them shine in the future...

as for me.....i am burning.....-.-"
as for you...just gonna stand there and watch me burn....

September? Never...

2010-10-17T17:33:00.005+08:00

I am trying to express something through lyrics for the other demo. Initially, the word 'September' came into my mind. Only god and me know the best why September? why not my lovely perfect ten, October? It is always very significant to me, especially this year's.

I browsed through some old blog posts for this year to get some inspirations. I want to write something to portray how a person evolve and include aspects like love, dreams and family bond. Especially when i am turning 20 in less than a year time. Halfway browsing through , i stared at one of the post and tears rolled down my cheeks without me noticing .Then I smiled at myself. Don't ask me what was that suppose to mean. It was then i put aside all the drafts and changed my mind.

I heard this song September, by Daughtry , which is obvious---- Chris Daughtry is one of the band members.
He is good. He successfully writes me out.

.

*slap* what am i doing? am i trying to get out of such immense adrenaline rush now by wasting time with all these?????!!!!!!
Or perhaps I should be more ignorant, so that i won't get defeated by seems-to-you-it's-petty-but-it's-important-to-me stuffs.

I 'm no superman this time

2010-10-12T13:12:00.006+08:00

I still think that simply change song lyrics is good.

I still think that simply rap although you don't know how to rap is good as well.

So kawan-kawan, bear with me..

Although i know it's damn annoying..hahahahaha

It's the 1st draft for this song but I've fall in love with the rap part as I wrote it. Yippe!!! And tell me it's NOT too yen-J. Tell me that it's my bro's wrong perception!!!!! It must be.

The one i will fall for..

2010-10-02T01:15:00.003+08:00

"Why you like him so much? cheh, cause he's ABC again??? err..i mean half half lar...."

" heeehhh...not exactly lar..okay lar...ABC is charming ..but he's super talented wei!!!!!"

"What? i also what?!!! You are just any other girls out there who look only on handsome faces! cheh! btw, he is not that leng zai also..." (adjusting his hair)

"Wui!! Mind you!! I differ to be different!!!!! You can say it to any girls, not me!!! "

" Not meh? Tell me, what so great about him? Just another plagiarist."

" NOOOOO!!!!! He is not lar...okay, he knows how to compose songs, write lyrics, and best of all, music arrangement!!!! At this age you know...how great..."

" errhem!! Remember? you sang for the demo, who's song har??? Who did all the music arrangement? Some more I am younger. HMPH!!!"

" ERRR~~~~~ well, he knows jazz!!! major in jazz! he speaks jazz, he sings jazz, he plays jazz!!Super cool!!! "

" I learned jazz too, budak!"

" and....he knows how to play lots of instruments?"

" like ???"

" err....piano, of course , guitar, double bass, drum set, jazz drum ...."

" wo wo wo~~~~ hold on...like i don't know? i know violin, saxophone, piano..."

" what, you only know three !"

" hey, he knows a few also , you are exaggerating... what drum set and jazz drum...cheh....you wanna count like that is it? okay!!! i know piano, organ, electric piano, keyboard, melodeon...."

" ( laugh uncontrollably) t..hh..en.. i am kind of talented i think, i know recorder in all size ( if you'd seen my recorder set) , i know guitar, then automatically i know base guitar lor... then i can play drums, snare drum, bass drum, maracas , triangle......"

" yeah yeah yeah...i can play cymbals as well...you know, cang~~~~~" ( both of us had already laugh our hearts out -.-")

haha...just last week during some function in my school, his song suddenly appear, and my eyes blinked brightly at once. It was then i found out that my friends had already looking forward for my expression... haha ...there i go....^.^ i know i know, i really sounded abnormal. Like some hardcore fans . If you know, i am never a person like this even when leehom is equally talented and charming all this while. However , something realy really compelling whenever i see his video, interpreting his music....it's like something so far yet so near.. seriously, i wish i could be like him. i just don't know why. I mean , is not wrong having such ambitious / impossible ~~dreams~~ right? yeah yeah, sis has been nagging me for the N times so that i will stop DREAMING
ever since she saw me checking out his news, music and impromptu jazz performances.

I can't help. Especially he totally gave " Take The 'A' Train" a new life. He change the whole arrangement and make it into a pop song. " Take the 'A' Train " is what jazz pianist called STANDARD. You are never be a professional pianist until you comprehend all the standards! It's from the book " The Real Book" . I bad he has one in his home as well. It's like scientific terms in science. Scientists speak the same "language" . Musicians has their own language too. Even you cant speak japanese/ korean language, tell them standards like Autumn leaves, Moon River, Blue Bossa..... Certainly you will have a sense of belongings. That's why when i heard this song ....there is a strong compelling energy disturbing my mind which i can't really explain the feelings. Despite the fact that i am not good in piano anymore... SCIENCE KILLED MY MUSIC CELL!!!
Okay, i take back those words. i chose this path myself anyway...-.-"

This is it. My dream guy.

......He even knows Guzheng??? My all time hope-to-learn instrument..(as i think guzheng and suk lui just come in unison) hahahaha... check this out, although i only un the "dong dong cang " part, others.....erm, i guess our friend Mr. mark can explain well to me.... -.-"

Lee hom is still as influential as always to me. As for now , he can't be influencing me in music anymore. Maybe in perceiving things that i wanted. English quoted : Jack of all trade , master of none. But Chinese quoted : shi ba ban wu yi, yang yang jing tong. Isn't this the beauty of learning mandarin???? I know, sometimes i am in agony. How can they let go something so easily. Their chance to become doctors, their chance to go to prestigious uni in overseas... Having family with mostly doctors, they must had took a hard time convincing their family.

I observed this through Einstein. Yes, I was very angry with him. He caused all the tears, all the society negative views on us. And why on the earth that he can let go of everything but why can't I? At the end, i am tired , i chose to trust him, have faith in him, since i can't change any guy. At least until now, i still believe that even the most evil and heartless guy on earth has his kiddy sides.

One day, he will know about ...Tears of September. okay, DON'T ASK, now is OCTOBER... After this month, don't be surprise if you see his name in any of the latest song. It might take 1 year, two years....or never. But one thing for sure is ....he will never give up.

I can't lie to my blog. That's why i am here. September ........hm, wake me up, when September ends.

2010-09-30T19:59:00.002+08:00

i 've a say,the pain is like period pain.it happens periodically. u think that u are fine this moment after suffering from excruciating pain,but you dont know there are more pains awaiting you for the next months in a row. same theory. the pain intensity alters from individual .some can easily get over it,but some might be rolling on the bed crying for help. sometimes,for some reasons we need to hold on wif the pain and bear it quietly. say like you are having important meetings,or exams,you cant be yelling for help uncontrolably,got such word?arh,you got me right is enuf. our mums felt the pinch too,each time she sees us suffer,but they cant do anything to ease those pain and so they might show their concerns in other ways. we know that we hav to be tough bearing thro tis for their sake.the same thing can be applied that guys can never un how the pain like even if he is a pro in that field. i know,sometimes when you are in that state,you hated urself being so and feel lk cutting off your fallopian tubes or maybe uterus. true enuf,but dun ever hurt urself lk that. because as time goes by,it will become a norm.where u slowly forget tat it is actually painful once upon the time. one day, someone wil cease your pain when you get pregnant and that brings about a more hellish pain,but you will soon reallize tat ,that was a wonderful pain once you heard the innocent cry and having ur luv ones holding tight on ur hands. bless those painsssss.

alternative options?

2010-09-17T18:54:00.003+08:00

well,its me blogging thro' phone for a change..life has been really hectic..i hate the fact that i dun even hav time to grumble abt it..btw,i have tonnes of words to express now, however ,4 the next 3 months..i cant help but to leave this blog in dormancy state..till then i ll update~^,^

ps i spent a day with a person,he is just being nice i know,but...................he and he has something alike.....which i cant explain why i ever said that.

...nth,just some petty pre-exam symptoms i guess...

That's the recent school girl by the way..take care , people...

Continue shower me with love please~

2010-09-10T01:37:00.004+08:00

Just days before, i replied a message...it sounded something like

" In my entire life, i have nothing to be proud of, not that pretty, not that talented, not that smart, not that rich, not that angelic....but the only thing i am proud of is me having a bunch of awesome friends!!"

I ponder a while after texting this...I found out that i really do mean it rather than just replying the message..I can't really imagine if one day, you people walk out of my life one by one..yeah, i really thought of this often...so before that day comes, i shall immortalize those moments in this blog...cause i never know who's going to leave me next....

I wanted to post this long ago...sorry, i hardly even have time to sleep...so yeah...this is it...

yeah!!!!! I didn't know that he actually read out my words in that slot again...i thought he will just like "okay, abbie's friends...she heard it and say thanks to you guys..." . I didn't know that he even describe how's the surprise like...gracious..So this is specially for those who went steamboat that night, and those who i can't text them on time...

.............................................................................................................................

See the difference?? We were so young and innocent that time...we are really really good until even tough www.shantforever.blogspot.com is now dominated by spider webs, and shantforever fb account is rather inactive at times, still, when we get together , no one can stop us ~~~ Shean, remember ? There was once your friend said something like : " ei, your friends are all Miss Universe arh???" And that left us ss-ing all day long. Remember when we bumped into my friend at the curve? The next day she was like :

" Eh, your friends all very pretty leh..."

And i was like " yalar yalor...they all very very pretty !!!"

Guess what she said? " Abbie lo, then aren't you felling a bit zi bei surrounding by such pretty ladies ~"

"ARRRHHHHH!!!!!!! XXX!!!!!! YOU!!!!!!!" All right now, you girls can actually start ss-ing and just leave me ALONE here sobbing...T.T .......Tissue paper please~~~ *start acting*

Fine!!!!! just because you are SHANT! I dont mind~~~~ HMM~ Thinking back.. we always prank each other during each other's b'days...remember the sexy pyjamas? Remember the ghostly sound clip? And remember the ever beautiful candle light on the field? Or you might remember the not-so-nice piano solo i 'd sent for your b'day.......etc etc etc...now that i am really scare that i might get Alzheimer and forget totally everything...haha

btw, I had a brief chat with Nat recently...she's in good state now...finishing second year degree in 8 months time....and...having some bees around her as well.....update you in details when we meet..^.^

Talking about b'day...we just successful melted cheng yie's heart ...didn't we??? check out www.happybdaycy.blogspot.com....And i really do hope that ky will remember this...

Haha...i found a few "classic " pictures of us when we were so decent....

Okay...don't ask me why i digressed into some kind of post regarding birthday celebrations...Maybe because there are quite a number of August and September babies around me.. Well, if you wonder why of all things on earth, i wrote a post about friendships out of no where.... Well, i don't know if it's a coincidence or what, recently few of my friends told me that they actually envy for me having such strong-bonded friendships...And so it came into my mind at once to blog about it...Want me to prove to you how people really wish to have friendships like us? Listen to this...

Purple no longer has anything to do with me anymore, if you know....

Friends, after hearing this....don't you think we should really be grateful and appreciate our relationships? Do you believe it? Now that i am fearful to lose such wonderful faces in my life...Because the more i care...the more i fear of losing it....So sometimes i would rather don't care , as losing something is not fun at all.....:) Bless all of you~ ....

Night folks....

Break the dormancy - Are you happy?

2010-08-29T03:41:00.001+08:00

One of my close friend asked me this question .....

Now, tell me I have what reason for not smiling before i close my eyes every night......?

thanks!!!!! I heard this Ntimes and each time the feelings still so real...^.^

It's time to hibernate, bloggie.

2010-08-13T23:59:00.002+08:00

I really do wonder, what can people learn from me? Not long ago someone told me this. And now another one told me this. I 've nothing. In fact, i learned form my circumstances. Not specific people, but specific event influenced how i evolved. Without each and every person who passed through my life, i learned nothing. The most recent one was just now. The whole gang were talking about wine, clubbing, pub, shisha..... and they started accusing me as that kind of ~~blonde~~ black bimbo who is very "active" at night and acts innocent at school with my specs on. While I was defending myself , one might be rather quite. He's what i called " below 18" guy.It was then , everyone left the car for some matter , left me and him. I was halfway dosing off and his phone rang. And goodness, just by listening how the way he talked to his sis really stunned me. He told me somehow a lil bit about he and his sis, and that slowly develop a strong feelings of compassion . You see the difference? Some of the people is going HOO-HA over wine, pub and all which we think is cool, the other party can barely go out with friends. What a thing.

And i found out that KBians really thinks that i am a cruel person who will forget about them and just leave entirely without keeping in touch once the last school bell rang. The Ying and Yee will never stop teasing me
" Aiyo, i think you'll disappear once you leave this school lar.....don't even care about going out with us..." Walau eh....... accusation number N...... And even the little fish who knows me well in this school start saying things like " you so busy going out with friends, sure no time for us lar.....!!!" Don't you want me to mention your name here as well??? I sudah muak dengar things like i will not keep in contact and so on. Hui zian, help me....something must have gone wrong with me.....or them....I need to insist!!!! Although i never say it out, but people like you all actually brings memories , berlambak-lambak memories to me. Form 6 is 2 tough years, how can I forget going through these with such pretty lil faces?????

It's the weirdest thing i 've ever received. Thanks anyway. God will bless you! Now get back to prepare our real mission.I would have type more, but........just let time prove everything..... I don't mind if people having wrong perceptions or maybe unbelievable high hopes on me......time counts all in...

Hibernation.

Diapause

p/s If i reappeared HERE, which means something really really bad happened. Deal or not deal???? D-E-A-L!

Yes, we are still friends

2010-08-09T02:20:00.004+08:00

Yeah, i forgot to tell you,......that actually we are still friends.. i know, it's a bit late saying it now. But better be late than never...

Once upon a time, I was still scolding pkl for not talking to my dear friend anymore, for not able to accept her as a friend after breaking up. And he was like, "NOT ME LAR.....she's the one reluctant talking to me..." . Still, I put blames on him because apparently, i saw how super suffering is she. To me , I don't understand. Until things fall on me, there i go. So this was how it feels. The night when they patched up together again, i was a bit..just a bit.....................................................wierd? Okay okay, i can sense that everyone are rolling their eyes and went like " there she is going to fake things out again.....-.-" Okay, not that i fall in love with one of them matter-of-factly , just that...i was kind of regretful that we didn't get back together like them. And now , you'd better stop your lovely gf from seeing this. I wouldn't want her chasing after me with parang. Anyways, that was back then.

After replying your msg, i took some time to calm down and think properly. I am actually glad that i got caught up with something relatively more important these few days that provide me an approach to understand the reality pretty much more. It's never easy way for me if you know. That night, i bravely click into all your "contactable" link. *if you got what i meant* I found it more relieved after facing it open-heartedly. Especially facing Granat Yeong. haha, I SWEAR!!!!! It was genuinely , merely a coincidence, i didn't do it on purpose, i swear i didn't stalk on you! -.-" Few months ago, i took shean advice not to follow up with your happenings, as i might burn completely into ashes. I took it all in, and this method somehow effective..muahahaha. Or in another way, i am just running away from where you probably emerge , from where i might probably heard about your news. Only stupid people does that. haha -.-" So who did that???? who???? hahaha

You can't blame me for not able to accept your apology . Since day one till now, i hated the most is that word!!! Like what people say, so what's the use of the police then??? I was engulf by onslaught of .....err.....hatred??? well, sounds harsh? Mind me, i couldn't find a better adjective. I was so unwillingly to accept all the "accusations" you did on me. I got even furious after feeling that you judge me too much, worst of all , judge merely based on what you think on me. I can see the UGLIEST abbie in your eyes. The feelings is sucks you know? To be frank, the last time we met, i had an urge to hit you like mad to release my immense anger! Now I wonder why am i so kind??? i should, shouldn't i??? phew~~

anyway, don't take it personally if you do. If you were a girl, then you'll understand. Although i say as if you owe me an apology or whatsoever, but i know where i stand. I know i am the cause of everything right? If only i would have been a little more .............*that will be long list * , then things wouldn't ended up like now. Okay then, let's compromise, i accept your apologies. It's up to you whether to accept mine or not. I couldn't stand to see your guilty/ angry/ frustrated/ hatred/.........whatever.... face each time you face me. It's going to freak me out pretty much.Kind of relieve huh?

If you ask me am I still angry. Y-E-S, of course. Am i still hating you? YES!!! sampai masuk bone. Because of that, i vow to myself and vow to you that few years later,perhaps, when we coincidentally meet on the street, you shall see me smiling with my ever straight teeth alignments and that indicates my ever genuine smile. I will not tell you how well-being am I, you shall find out YOURSELF how great am I living with my colourful life, just like the way i found out you are in your best ever state now.By that time, my feelings towards you will decrease back at one, where the most basic and pure feelings i have each time i meet new people. Okay??? D-E-A-L!

I know, very offensive. Take that if you able, leave it if you can't. I no longer need to watch my steps in front of you. It was a tiring journey for me.

Phew, i am done.....YIPPIE!!! It's Monday!!! I wonder which student will ever said this....

Wei, kawan-kawan, don't you think i grew up a little more?????? Do IIIII??????????

p/s You'd better see this. Don't waste my time for replenishing my beauty!!! Cause you are unpredictable man. Things that i fear you to know, out of no where you will found out ; Things that i wanted you to know, you are ~~dumb (~~ innocent/decent) enough not to know.... No eyes see, i shall sleep. nights, folks..

NAME THIS FOR ME

2010-08-06T02:28:00.002+08:00

There's something about tonight. not about the sky, not about the moon, neither about the soothing music echoing from my speaker. Just that...something weird about me again. Not that i am feeling happy till I can't sleep, but not also that i am facing depression till I can't even close my eyes. It's has been hours but yet i am still stagnant at the same page. Yes, I am very disturbed.

Apparently I am suppose to be very happy as there's a slight chance for the producer to publicize the song demo I mentioned earlier. Yes, I am happy on behalf of Einstein. Kind enough? But i wonder are those laughter just now real? I can't tell anymore. I am getting more and more apart from my inner soul. There isn't much time left for me to so-called "find your own soul " kindda crab....So , forget about it. I might be having PMS or something????

My plan was to strive through this month till I break my back or something like what suggested by hz. Till end of the month then i shall slow down and pamper myself for a nice outing with them. I am really adhering to this. So i might sometimes forget or choose to forget some very important dates. I might. But why don't I?

Mum talk to me about this today.

" Mum, let's not talk about this, it's a sensitive issue. I thought we banned this way earlier?"

" Are you sure you want to be that cruel?"

I didn't answer and went straight up to my room. The word "cruel" still echoing around the medium I was standing. Even my own mum claimed that her daughter is CRUEL. Despite the fact that it's obvious she doesn't meant it . Well then, just let me be one. I am sorry but to be frank, i am not capable to start a conversation and fake every entire words to portray how great and happy i am. You people know the best that i am not. I will. One day. At least not for now. It's not about being stingy with wishes or what, it's about the mindset and whole emotions that I am suppose to cope with . It's about digging out all the past that might kill me again. I know i can't bear hearing how the other party being so happy and contented with life after leaving my CRUEL palm. It makes me fell very very miserable and demotivated. I'd just got my momentum on and i can't afford to lose it once more... Or in another word, when it comes to this, i am just another selfish human who can't bare to let themselves being hurt. Can we say it in a not-so-harsh way? I am just being a porcupine.

At least, i will be a kind porcupine who only hurt people when they felt threatening. To prove it?

" what i want to tell you is:

Have a blast 19th birthday with your love ones and best of luck in your future.

What goes around comes around. Just in case you think that what you gave doesn't in turn gives you what you deserve. Like now, you got back what you had scarified , don't you? Just that, in another better way. Good luck "

Nope, i don't really wish that he'll see this. Although i am kindda confident that he will never step into my territory, neither i will. Just that porcupine with an angel 's halo above its head will look cool.

Few months back, so and so claimed that sis is getting more and more "abbie". Got what I meant? She gets involves in all sorts of event organising , camps and gets a little lame-r than usual sometimes. She just did braces, she has got end-year prom , she is going to the China Winter Camp , she is going to NS..... See, braces, prom, china camp , NS.............sounds so like my past history during transition year of mine from a brainless adolescent to a young adults.... Even she herself come telling me that " ei, i think i am stepping through your life again.." . I am worry actually. I wouldn't want her to step through what I had stepped through , especially when she told me that she's going NS. I didn't comment anything until she opened her mouth and told me

" If I tell you that i am falling for some guy when I am in NS, remember to scold me till I am awake you know?I don't want to be like you..."

......... I took a hard time to construct words from my mind in order the find the best way to reply her...... I guess, I replied with silence. Uttered nothing. How I wish that she did the scolding part to me when I was at that state. Perhaps i might be as boisterous as always. But then i might not learned so many lessons of life if I didn't passed through this. So shall we call this blessing in disguise?

When i am clueless like this, how i wish to receive a big warm hug from my parents, or Shant , or maybe Dty, and maybe wrestling with my bro and having sis to cry with me can ease me much more or confide to lovely ones at school who knew what gone wrong with me...

since everyone is snoring now, I shall just hug my big panda to get some comfort. nights folks. NONE OF YOU IS GOING TO JUDGE ME AFTER THIS.

hair-y day

2010-08-01T14:38:00.002+08:00

Well, at the end of the day, i didn't ended up attending MTV WORLD STAGE like what most of the people did!!!!!! * you smell jealousy???* Neither i am staying at home mugging on my notes! In fact....

Well, let's talk about hair today...All right, i 'd always aspire hair like this...

In order to be on par with their hair length..still.....

I am fated to be one of a kind...

And now, check this out ...and i am no longer " tiga batang bulu".

ta-da!!!! Day-light ghost......haha...You should be grateful that i haven't put on thick thick layer of make-up...

I remembered when I was younger , i was so enthusiastic and excited when i got to know that i am going to have a makeover with a hairdo resembled characters in " Hairspray". Well, don't shout...

WELL, WELL, WELL....The make-up is suppose to be like that okay?????

As I grow older ......my perspective changed. The more natural it is , the more simple it is, the more gorgeous you are. I am tired of hypocritical image portrayed by most of the people nowadays and tired of changing one's inner or outer appearance in order to please every single person you care. I want to be carefree lady!!!!

So i went and change my hairstyle resembled hers...too bad..failed mission.

I can't be as pretty as she does....T.T

Later then, don't think the story ends. I am insane enough. Due to lots of unexplainable factors, one fine day i stood up and tell my family that " i want to cut my hair!!!". My dad was like " You cut already what, where got some more left to cut? " . *doink!* And my bro ....he dared me ......

HE HE ......So you think i am small little white sheep huh????

I "marched" in the salon and sat down. In fact I was hesitating...OBVIOUSLY!!!!

If only i really did that, then my habits to play around with my hair will be vanished at once.

At the end on the day.....I have no guts...haha...so i opted for something else...which also stunned everyone...

You see, It's only 7 months since this year and i have been changing hairstyle more than i ....change my phone..~~bad metaphor.~~....okay, more than i fall in love...~~chew, even worst metaphor~~...whatever, you got what i meant....-.-"

Now that everyone , even those childish juniors are claiming that i got into depression, and so my hair is getting shorter and shorter, says who now???? Tell you what...I will prove to you the consequences of not having your haircut!!!

I have 2 sisters....

Although I think short hair suits me better....but

I will have this...just the matter of time...

just gonna .....

2010-07-26T22:00:00.002+08:00

I am back.... back to the reality...

the reality where stress gradually building up....

So what you going to do is sit back and ...

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts

But it was a sweet escape not only for me, for most of them too.

S H A minus N T

Look what's that food? It's very familiar for me...very...

Nostalgia , no?

NAAWWW..... narcissism, can?

But that's alright
Because I love
The way you look, abbie...

with your tiger tooth...

-.-"

Will update more about PD soon...

Just gonna forget about winning Orianthi's concert tiket

Just gonna forget about how suffering seeing one after another got MTV WORLD STAGE tikets!!! urgh!!!

Just gonna forget about what i shouldn't remember.... like duh!!!!!

Just gonna substitute all those nonsense with " DNA, Atoms and statistic".

Just gonna start doing my homework now.....blah!

p/s mind me, i just can't resist rihanna's part....just like karying can't resist my love song. thanks for your support ya!!!! -.-" So off you go jazz, now feel this ...haha...JUST GONNA STAND THERE AND WATCH ME BURN.......

Blogathon!

2010-07-22T17:26:00.002+08:00

After marathon, what's coming up next? BLOGATHON !!!!

So if you notice, my blog suddenly popped out a number of new posts. haha. Reason is simple! Because i am so not going to let my blog die. haha. I can not signing in FB, I can not signing in MSN , but not blogger. Someone asked me, why on the earth that I don't put chat box here. Well, coz' I don't want to know who reads me. Perhaps with that i will be very careful in my words and posts. That's like faking the whole entire post. No meaning.

And if you notice, i really hang out a lot!!! SO i neeeeeddddddd ttttooooo stooopppp!!!!!!!
I told kui ying today: " okay! i am going to get things seriously from today onwards! Scold me if i said Miss Khung's class is very boring. Slap me if i tell you i am going out on weekends! Hit me if i don't complete my homework. Ignore me if i start talking to you during lessons! I need to EXCEED 3.25 CGPA FOR THIS COMING TRIAL!!!!

"Abbie Lo, you may pull your table over there and sit with Pak Keong...."

" I thought you are going to PD this week?"

"I thought you are going Femme City with us next week? "

" Owh, so you are doing yesterday's homework now lar..."

" So you want me to slap you first or hit you 1st .. har?"

".............................."

Don't speak to me now. signing off.

Run Devil Run

2010-07-20T16:39:00.000+08:00

I think our background is very nice. Don't you think so?

Elaine with her retarded football stunt.

Abbie with her professional football stunt. errhem!

Elaine thinks that I deserve this prize.

But there is still some wise people who thinks differently..And look at those attention-seekers at the back...-.-"

Best thing about this competition is the GOODIES BAG!!!!! HAHA....YOU SMELL GREED??

Natural Valley suppose to invite us to become their ambassadors.

Take number 1.

Take number N.

Tell me , who can resist such green patch of field??

I can't. Wookay, it's the childish me running after those pigeons. -.-"

Not what i want

2010-07-19T21:24:00.000+08:00

I can't work for family. i guess.

It's very tiring...very...my voice are sore and my whole body are aching like hell after SIEMENS RUN yesterday.Things got worst when my throat strained as if I am facing oxygen deficiency any soon. Now I know why some singers will breakdown and cry when they repeatedly record the same song over and over again but yet can't reach the standard. OWH please~ Not drama again. That was what exactly my cynical thoughts on them last time. Yeah, now i know, not that easy. SO you wont see me being a singer/ actor/ song writer/ producer..... ~~As if I can~~ -.-''

Sometimes i just don't feel like going home. I just want to complete all my homework and revision at school as i know , once i step in the house......

~~" wei, record today...."~~

~~" you got practice or not??"~~

~~" you didn't fully utilize your voice, hit the note! "~~

Even if it's a week for test, that will be the worst excuse ever. Regardless. I still have to spare time for that. See how i am going to flunk my chem and bio. I know, i just can't put all the blames on this. I had lost my momentum gradually, it's the matter of fact. It's me myself who conquer my own results. Sometimes, i just feel like giving up those sciences and embrace the music notes. With that will I exceed the standard , i wonder..

I noticed something recently. You can't be good at all aspect. You need to pick, pick the one that you think it's the best for you. Greed kills. Let me prove to you. I learn music, but i am not as talented as others ; I love running ; but i am not as fast as others ; I enjoy baking , but i fail more than i succeed ; I am interested in sciences , but sciences just don't grant me an A+ for it ; I want to travel around the world before i die; but I don't have such financial ability ; I want to be in KLPAC musical drama crew ; but I can't sing, dance and act professionally ; I can't resist joining all kinds of event in the city just like the media people , but i still have way much to improve my communication skills and interpersonal interaction when meeting those 'big' people .......... See, what i am then??? I can't answer. Can anyone help me with it?

When you were young, what did you want
I wanted a large blue airplane
To take me around the world
To every corner of the earth
Going back and forth among the white clouds in the blue sky

And after I grew up, what did I want
I wanted a tiny red answering machine
To record together with you
Hello, we are not home right now
The blue turned into red because of you

Firewood, rice, oil, salt, paste, vinegar, tea
Every single drop is happiness sprouting
The crescent moon shines over love's foolishness
I lack nothing when I have you

Providing you with happiness whether it's day or night
Grasping both hands tightly even if it's windy and rainy
I just want you
Want you to stay by my side
Protecting you eternally

The crescent moon shines over love's foolishness
There is no reason
To live so complicated
I lack nothing when I have you

Simple is always the best! I am after this life. Since my maid gone home........ mum and dad took over most of the chores. Now, meals are rather simple and tasteless.....but it's more than enough already...

Firewood, rice, oil, salt, paste, vinegar, tea...

Those are the luxuries at most they can provide us.....

keep me holding on mum and dad

you are the only momentum left for me

at least for now.....

R for random and romantic

2010-07-16T00:29:00.001+08:00

19 wasn't a good year for me.

But that night, i felt like making my nineteen-year-old life as interesting as possible.

The romantic candles melt everyone i suppose.

Guess everyone has their own thoughts in their head looking at such extraordinary scene.

haha.... Don't you wish you have this under the moonlight?

But her 19th years on earth will be "interesting"!! Hoho! Learn strategy from her...you'll benefit a lot, trust me!

Now, she'll be making hell of noise for the 2nd picture i posted above. Mind me, i just can't stand people with straight shinning teeth! hmph!!!!!

I was supposed to come out with "something" stunning for you, too bad, time constrained....you will understand me i know. I am always here if you want me to sing you recorded or live version....ho ho ho!

Stay hui zian-ed !

Stop and Stare

2010-07-12T21:55:00.004+08:00

Sometimes i wonder, what adults are actually thinking...i mean i am adults too, but YOUNG ADULTS like please. They want children with good grades, at the same time not that study-oriented , best is being sizzling hot! Don't they ? yes? no? Well, at least i think it's a 80% yes. This can explain through the ratio of A star students to average student going to tuition. I did a survey on my mum's tuition students ( not that i am free, CURIOSITY!) I made a conclusion that the reason why they came for tuition is because " my child got 75 plus only for his exam, i want him to get 90 plus...you know for a primary student...". I told my mum this, " Don't you dare pushing me like that, i will commit suicide!"

Well, my mum took it as a joke. However, recently, i am very tense with things. As i am trying so hard to adjust my time so that i can fully utilized each and every second for skill developments ( things that don't taught in school) . I rejected lots of yam cha sessions and lots of gatherings...even if for those that i am compulsory to attend, i am trying to minimize the time taken. But why can't she sees this???!!! My parents seem know me better than i do. They think that I am " good". You know, those who can score flying colours...whatever...in fact, it is rather ironic each time my results are out. I am never an A star student. And they will always said that i never put my effort in studies, i am busying dating with friends, too concentrate doing magazines and too busy attending needless event........etc....etc....etc.... i haven't maximize my strength, i am too playful, too many events divert my concentration on studies.

okay, i admit...half of it... It's very hard to negotiate with parents i think. I knew this problem of mind...don't they know i am also trying hard to settle myself, cool myself and be like pak keong! No offense. But i admire his dedication on studies. After i left BSD, i realized that my world there was actually very small. There are lots of talented and "OOMMPPHH" people here. Often, i felt like nobody. Really. I always wonder why mum don't put me in one of the top school in KL. At least i am being more competitive , in a good way. I am like that, i can't STOP. Each time i felt that my life is boring and lifeless and DRYYYYY......i will go for some activities. Regardless how many thousand assignments were on my hand. Kui ying ask me , " can't you just stop for a year..." I ponder a little and said " No, i think i can't, if i stop, i will stop forever...". Although time were wasted whenever i engaged in this type of events, somehow i felt sense of satisfaction. At least even if i am not talented, i gain more experience. I can be defeated by anyone, not myself. I hate whenever i felt myself useless.

I was thinking , actually it's easier for me to let go of all the strings i am pulling than holding on with it....What i am going to do is just .....LET~ GO~ See, isn't this easy. Then i shall only focused on studying, finish assignments on time , and mugging for examination. No outing, no blogging, no fb, no attending event...... Finally, i got 4.0..... i got it dentistry in UM, AND BE A DENTIST AFTER 5 YEARS!!!! what i am then?
A dentist who face crooked teeth, other than that? NOTHING! I will hate myself even more by then, started to regret why I am doing this......Right now, i haven't tell my parents that this week i am meeting SHANT, i haven't tell them that i am going for running competition , i haven't tell then that i am going pd soon, i haven tell them lots of lots of coming up events .....................and yet i got lecture sudah......wei!!!!!!! help me!!!!!!!

Sometimes i thought, what if my parents just help me to decide my pathway, i will just follow and follow....whenever things got wrong, at least the devil in me will have someone to blame. However, i dislike the feelings of being chained...and just follow... So match-making doesn't work on me...haha...but i shall reconsider it if my age reach 30...yeah, i told kui ying about that, she suggested that i shall just grab and "eat" by then....more like my style...-.-!

No more turning back right? I had decided even though the reason is for the sake of other people. Still, is my own choice.Here is a story.....

" A girl was boarding train alone. She was rushing for time to rush for the last train just before the peak hour. She had 3 trains to exchange to get to her destination. So you can see only her walking like Hong Kong folks on that lazy Sunday late evening. The train stopped , she quickly walked out with the crowd and rushed for the other train. Suddenly, her phone beeped. It was a reply message from a friend of hers who she met in a very inordinate place that once bring about lots of forgotten memories.

" wow!!! Now you have a sense of humour...so how are you? happy? grow taller?"

She smiled. When she held her head up, then she realized that she reached a very familiar place subconsciously. Certainly, pictures of the past came rushing to her head. She remembered where she stood, where she waited, where her eyes was wildly looking for a familiar figure, where she said bye......................And then she only realized that at the same time her eyes was wildly finding for a familiar and safety zone to stare on. She smirked at her stupidity and replied,

" Great ever! i am satisfy with what i have and don't now...and i am happy....taller? of course. It's okay, you can always wear heels and look sexay with it!! "

The last train she was boarding swift forward towards her destination."

Life is like a train. It stop sometimes. People move in and some move out. For those who move in, you don't know when are they moving out, for those who move out, we don't know when either. Therefore, it is forgivable for us to stop for awhile amidst our hectic life , look around and continue heading our destination..

Cheer 2010

2010-07-11T23:48:00.002+08:00

I am never a person into cheer, you know me. But i went cheer 2010 this year to spectate this so-called the hit event in KL.

Terry, RED FM deejay.

Jeremy, Red FM deejay.

It's me with a mouthful of Suguz sweets while she smile like a cheerleader. like duh!

wait till 1 year later and then i 'll smile like she does...-.-"

Who's she?

This world is very small right?....but there's exceptional for those not fated ones..

Those people shall just walk pass each other as strangers if they meet each other....not in this case though.

Terry: " Hey, you make me feel short!!!"

me : " Ops, my bad! sorry~~~"

nothing

2010-07-08T17:30:00.000+08:00

kjdfhlkdjbvmznvz,mgfhaeugajfhsdkvbmxcnvn,bjhdlkjhdflkjghd,fmvnx,cmbxmfnvbs,jgflsjfhldjhlkvjbx,cmvb,mjxdhgskjh\

I have lots of thoughts...but I can't do it now...I have no time to waste for all these ~~babble.~~

For those who are sweet enough to follow up with my on-goings...if you notice that I have been in a "silent mode" recently...no worries..I am not indulging in the dark , emo world. There are still many happenings in my life...regardless life in school, life outside , life at home or life revolving my network of friends. Some good, most bad....but like duh~ Cest la vie ....

Talking about friends... erm...if only "IT" happens.... that will not only be beneficial for both of you. In fact, it will also make me believe that miracle still exist in this world. And i see faithfulness, i see sincerity, i feel the strong chemistry and telepathy. But if it don't.................................................................yeah, cry a lil, and get up ! That's what we can do the most....

As for the other case.....use your brain and think properly!!!! Because of that ,you want to follow my steps? You must be kidding me... I am totally s p e e c h l e s s...

well, i think tonight i am going to get a nice lecture. Gosh, what have i been doing for this entire year!!!! I am ruining my own future with my own bare hands man......alamak! am I? I guess not....

please....ask me "why" before going straight to the point. Ask me " what " before telling me what to do.
God bless me....

Rodent R.I.P

2010-07-01T22:08:00.004+08:00


.

So I'm suppose to look like that before proceeding to my task

Funny it may seems, i thought i will be at least have the look of a dentist with my gloves and mask on.

Well, not that true. In fact , I was like " a weird sales girl trying to promote her mice..".

YUCKSSSS! Mouse kill each other too, just like human...

Ouch! I 'am sorry~

My fav quote to scold guys is " don't let me skin you alive!"
Erm, not to scare you, but it required skills.
Not any Tom, Dick or Harry can do this, but Abbie can.
Feel free to try~

Wookay, tell me whether i am lucky or cruel. I'd got this with a partially developed foetus.

Most of the people asked me to convert myself into a vegetarian. I am sinful. But......

What about this????? He killed 8 lives one-shot!!!

Siapa mau makan petai.... GMO ..jenis warna merah!!!

Heart, liver, stomach, lungs........for science....amitofo....

Kids , don't learn this at home. We should have compassion towards little cute animals...kay??

Need not say more.

R.I.P

The sound of music

2010-06-26T22:41:00.001+08:00

Remember this photo? Where i failed to become one of the ~~prestigious Oscar Award nominee~~ due to my "ok lor" acting skills..hahaha.

I never thought of singing in public anymore, not until Jasmine asked me about it.

As usual, curiosity kills a cat.

I got in the competition and defeated by those talented KBians half way through.

Obviously, I was disappointed, as we really put effort in it.

That makes me comprehend more on my strength and perhaps can sing better in bro's demo??? ho ho..-.-"

This was where we practice.

My school has good view of KL city to uplift our mood whenever we practice.

Not bad huh, my school has beautiful view of sunrise and my house has romantic view of sunset.haha.

We even practice whenever we go. Even this place.

Yeah, Parlimen Malaysia. Singing in front of Dewan Negara. Cool huh?

Eventually, we got nothing but lots of fun singing in the bas, in the class......

I heard the sound of music, do you?

Dilemma of a bumble bee

2010-06-26T22:21:00.001+08:00

This was a crazy week. I mean it. It can be me discussing with a group of people about some stuff, then another people come rushing to me and tell me about another stuff while my conversation with the first party was still hanging.Worst of all, it was then teacher X saw me and went like " abbbbbiiiieeee.....comeeee....." . Then she went on and on and on to make sure that I get things settle...I ended up late for classes ,often accompanied with my ever ~~sweet smile~~ to my teachers.... Just like few days back, everyone was super duper tired after whole day out to KL city from morning till evening. I think I was insane enough. I went out to jog, jog, jog and jog that evening. I knew my friends must be sleeping like pigs at home. Thinking that I might feel the greatness after sweating out...ho ho ho~ well, dad went like 'quick, you have 5 more mins to prepare...' as I stepped in the house.WOW! again, I rushed like hell , even skipped proper dinner and shower. Imagine that , i haven't been bathing since morning....

It was 2.30am when i completed arranging my editorial reports, C.O.M.'s fliers, research project, on 9 meeting with DTY , and some personal stuff.... I walk up the dark stairs slowly....Certainly, bro's words came into my mind....You know what, I am not here to blow my own trumpet, because true enough ,

" your life is pathetic.... you work so hard for no reason, at the end you will not get anything...."

"............"

I hate staying up late night, the quietness is killing me. It made me realized that after all, i felt so empty inside... I dislike this kind of feelings. I want back the real me, desperately. But I know I need to give myself time. If only I stop fighting against my heart, follow my heart, i found out that I am happier. This period of time, I have been approaching things that I fear so much that might ignite the old memories. I have been sharing openly whereby once upon a time i fear so much that I might breakdown embarrassingly. Most importantly, I kept my promise, i didn't even step in his territory ever once!!! ho ho , now pat my hair and say that i am great!!! You will never know how much courage of mine is needed to read the comic. ha!I can't blame anyone for unleashing all the memories. To this young chap who drew that comic, my drafts were merely a story line for him to elaborate on. But to me it has different meaning. No, it HAD different meaning. It seemed even different when I flipped it open recently. It's like reading up a story of another person. There isn't such wonderful plot in real life. One more thing, I even start baking after like N months?? yeah!!! haha ...I told you right? The story of dad and the cheesecake i did. That was really a significant moment when I realized that because of my petty, childish breakup, people who i cared and care about me subconsciously got involve in some mood swing as well. Guess, you people are wondering why am I uttering gibberish here instead of transferring my whole blog to wordpress and write whatever i wanted with the password being set. Well, who cares... my six sense told me that it's save now to write whatever i want to express. There won't be any problem once I post this. Right? I had stopped following up with his life and he had already started doing that way earlier than me. Yes, i need to admit that sometimes , just sometimes I do think of him, and wonder if he is the same too. It's very wrong i know.

However, each time I feel suffocating , there will be some delightful scene flashing across my eyes. I can't deny that LIFE IS STILL BEAUTIFUL without him. When wave of nostalgia pay me a visit,some will ask me " Are you okay? " ; When I was toiling till late night, i received a motivational message from someone even though he is thousands miles away. When it was raining and I was clueless where to go and how to go, some might offer a ride, some might be ~~flirty and annoying like Jeremy ( you know who)~~ but still his " Want shortcut? Here's one, the place beside driver sit..." did made me change my view towards him , some might as well as lent me umbrella. When I was in dire need of a transport to detour me to the grocery shop, some will be kind enough to help out.When i was trying hard to maximize my energy to carry the ever heavy stuff, some just walk towards me and grab those stuff from me. I was stunted seriously, maybe he thinks that was cool, i don't know.........................

Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to hint anything indirectly, just that ...i think i should take back my words that " i am disappointed towards guys .." Today, the ~~very angelic me~~ feel like counting the good that lay beneath each guy's soul. You know me, i can be harsh if i start talking about the bad side. Wohho, as usual, HIDUP demons......hahaha!

It was a success for today's carnival...Tell me that this is the last big event at school ...please...T.T... Now that I am having phobia on Garlic bread!!!!

My biggest hero.

He stayed up late with me to save me from injuring further by the electric cutter.

The smart me sawed over my fingers instead of the bread.

If you've seen me donating blood, you can imagine how fast my blood oozed out...

people, you might ate the garlic bread stained with my blood.

OPS! sorry~~~

okay, i will stop babbling any further...nights ! Good week ahead!!!!