Confession letter



I could really feel the tiredness after 3 days of short hours sleep. Even standing in the KTM I can just doss down..haha..Maybe my stamina of staying up the whole night deteriorated. Now I understand your feelings hz and tw, I will TRY to let you sleep when we are in Genting. So i slept like rock yesterday till this morning.


All right, I am not that honest I need to admit. Seriously, to forget what you had told me before is not that easy. It bothers me somehow a bit but no worries, not that much. What I can promise is I will not change, still the old abbie you know. I am a girl with lots of pride and ego I guess that even me myself didn't notice that until you told me so. I easily feel inferior thinking that such good and intact stuff will not happen on me. In long term, the shield surrounding me is getting larger and larger until I didn't know how to get rid of it. I felt " " ( the undefined feelings again) at first. It was like you intruded my territory and I felt uncertain and lost. I can just run away like my past history , but then i found out that my steps are that heavy that i can't even lift up. So all the while I am merely standing still , you are the one who constantly stepping forward . Sometimes you stop and ask yourself why are you the one stepping forward not she. But then at the end you will still heading the forward road. I can imagine how exhausted it is. I am really sorry.




Having a so-called " flowery " history is not a crime. You wanted to tell me those stories but it was my fault as i don't even take initiative to ask. I know if you want to tell me, one day i will get to know. Vice versa, if you intend to hide it from me , i can't help but just remain ignorant. I just do not want you to think that i am trying to compare with your ex-es. One thing i have to admit that i am kind of " kia si" . I can't imagine if one day i got to know that you've got all my related things pack and place it forever in that drawer. And my picture will be part of the particular album in your phone. My family, friends and relatives who concern about me will be asking me those 5 - Ws -and-1-H questions ( How, who, what, when.....). Then again the disappointment strike me so hard, leaving me breathless. By then the shield around me will be even larger . So i tried to remain the way we were by standing still in position, thinking that it will be like that forever and ever. Yeah, you might think i am brainless enough think of this type of negative stuff. haha , i agreed too. One more confession, the moment we really talk about this my heart actually sore. At the same time i saw the tiredness in your eyes with some tears rolling in your eyes . I have an urge to hug you tightly and tell you that I am truly sorry. But again, I didn't kn0w how to react.




Sometimes i just like to say something irony. When i say " i hate you" i might mean " i like you", who knows? But don't get me wrong people, when i say " I HHHHAAAATTEEE YOOOOUUUU!!!!!!!!" , I hope you got what i meant and get your face off my eyes!!! I remember ss once said :" cheh, abbie won't said any guys handsome wan ! " I just notice that those lovely- dovey words just hardly come out from my mouth. See, even to express " he is handsome" is that hard for me , what about "you are handsome"/ " i miss you " / " i like you " / " i love you"? BUT one thing you need to know, if one day i really express those.....i really mean it more than ever. Again, i am so sorry that my words actually hurt you so much.



It takes me so long to gain my courage to post this . Writing this is easy as it is straight from my heart, deleting this is even 1000 times easier as it takes me just a click . Posting this is much more harder, i thought. Blog is a medium for sharing, not expressing to me. I can't afford thinking of the consequences anymore. For once i wanted to be as honest as possible for expressing myself and i do not want to miss this moment.


Yeah, this is an expensive trip. As those moment i can't buy it back again. Thank you for everything~

* my D R E A M S_ 12/10/2009 01:15:00 PM

Current Status : I AM "EVAN YO-ED"






Original version






Jay chou's version . Yes, you might not understand even a single word, me neither. Some might like his STYLE anyhow.


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I prefer this clean, clear, clam, spontaneous AND natural performance.





Evan yo's version






Gracious. How can he be so .............. Well, I couldn't think of any adjective best to describe him. I literally repeated this like 20 or 30 times already. So can you imagine how strong the seduction of his spontaneous performance ? I was thinking is it possible to meet him one day personally? Since he is only 20 years old.....hahaha..mind me~



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That links me to his new sweet song. Enjoy!!







* my D R E A M S_ 12/01/2009 01:03:00 PM

I am very " pik cikk" today.

* For the bananas, it means annoyed or vexed or depressed or..whatever, name it yourself.*


Holidays ? Yeah , sounds so good right? Tell you what, don't judge the word by its sound. I am still bond with pile of homework no matter how. Worst of all.........

1st question, tak tau buat . *SKIP*
2nd question, huh? apa ini? * try and try and try, at the end? SKIP*
3rd question, walao eh? * started to feel stupid*
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*sigh* * depress* * eat* *grow fat* * exercise* *fb* *get sick of fb* * do hwk* *stuck halfway* *feeling stupid* * sigh* *depress*................and...the....cycle goes on and on and on.




Ohh yeah, I checked my calender for my holiday plans.


21 Nov to 23 Nov- camp 1 Malaysia
1 Dec - BSD friends gathering
3 Dec - Kb friends gathering
6 Dec to 10 Dec - Off to Langkawi
13 Dec - Should i call this cut grass day??
19 Dec to 28 Dec - Off to China
31 Dec - Mum and dad's anniversary plus countdown party perhaps?
1 /2/3/4 Jan - Friend from Kuching is coming to KL *My bad, once upon a time I promised to be his tour guide if he comes to KL*



Those were just general. Mum wants me to accompany her to shop for SOMETHING after her exam. Sis wants me to accompany her to watch new moon, watch Christmas carol, play kites, and go Sungai Wang. SHANT's outing remain unplanned. HE wants me to accompany him to exercise everyday. Like serious? Yeah, he must be kidding.




Obviously, I prefer spending time doing these activities , rather than confine myself in my room and start feeling stupid. What to do?? I am soon-to-be STPM candidate. * DO it, do it , just do it!*




However, every ebb will pass i believe. Dad is back with lots of weird chocolates. And that keeps me occupied the whole afternoon. Lazy strikes me right now, I am watching TV show now with my siblings , bro starts commenting nonsense which make me laugh like hell. Maths???urgh, leave it for tomorrow before I commit suicide.......la la la

* my D R E A M S_ 11/29/2009 07:53:00 PM

1 MALAYSIA???







I came back at around 1am plus minus yesterday. It had been a long, drag journey. Meaning? I had been freezing for 7 hours continuously inside the bus. Goodness, worst of all, i didn't bring my big sweater, thinking that " Kedah...padi...hot sun...sweat...why need sweater?" During the journey , i kept on thinking about what to compliment about this camp. As for once I wanted to find the hope among the despair, the fun among the bored , the best among the worst and the emotional among the ruthlessness. I am kind of proud of myself that i found some. This make me glad that in the future, even they throw me in the desert, I will survive..haha









1# It was held at Merdeka Beach Resort. Obviously, I can see picturesque scenery and the sea breeze made me felt so great. I even got to jog along the beach despite merely short distance. At least this will be better than jogging at night I suppose.























2# I'd get lots of 1 Malaysia merchandise such as, T- shirt , cap , key-chain , car sticker , note book , flag , badges , pen... although those seems tiny , invaluable stuff , you need to know, something is better than nothing. Plus the fact that, government will never let you be hungry. This explain why the more kursus/camp/ns you go, the fatter you will be. 6 MEAL A DAY. What say you?

cool huh?? Love this~

3# This three "uncle" are someone very grand in the government sector whom i don't even remember what's their name. And I am pretty sure they don't really notice three mischievous us are at their back. Look at their poker face. tsk tsk tsk. Why so serious???

4# My group got the BEST GROUP AWARD. *proud*

ps Obviously, that was not won by them. It was milik kumpulan saya later in that day~

5# I visited tsunami site, got the chance to hear grandpa's story from a datuk over there. Not bad~

6# It was raining along the journey back to kl, and it was freezing cold , at the same time watching scary movie. So you can imagine. Very "gan jeung" .... So everyone literally shouted together inside the bus. Luckily the bus driver never got frightened , if not i will not be here i guess. And thanks to mum who kept track on my whereabouts. Likewise to my teacher who called me several times when my phone ran out of battery and came all the way to KL city to fetch us back to school. You too lar, old man with back ache is not encouraging to stay up so late.

* my D R E A M S_ 11/24/2009 11:37:00 AM

* my D R E A M S_ 11/20/2009 07:25:00 PM

Especially Haagen-Dazs.

It was then someone baked Oreo cheese cake for me.

So this was what I received ultimately.

The story just didn't end like that. He even brought me to eat cakes.

One day, I need to undergo a surgery.

* my D R E A M S_ 11/15/2009 06:50:00 PM

* my D R E A M S_ 11/13/2009 07:05:00 PM